Aug 24, 2007

On December 2, 1989, the University of Alabama football team ran onto the field at Jordan-Hare Stadium, on the campus of Auburn University.

In the stands that day were 87,000 Auburn fans, overwhelmed with emotion.

Women cried.

Men removed their hats.

"It was as though the Children of Israel had been freed from the Pharoah," Auburn Athletic Director David Housel said afterward. "It was as though the Berlin Wall had come down."

On this day, Alabama was playing at Auburn.

See, for decades, the Crimson Tide would not deign step foot in Auburn. Because in those days, Auburn fans in Alabama were second-class citizens. 'Bama reigned supreme. You know, Bear Bryant and all that.

But on December 2, 1989, everything changed. For the first time in more than a century of football existence, Auburn fans on that day finally felt validated—about their football team, about their university. And, I would argue, about themselves. This event, this simple college football game, changed the very dynamics of life in Alabama.

To an outsider, this may all seem silly.

But you, folks, are college football fans. So I'm sure you understand. You understand, as do I, that college football about more—much more—than who wins on Saturdays in October.

Which is why otherwise sensible adults cried, on December 2, 1989, in Auburn, Alabama, over a football game.

We college football fans are tied to our teams in a way that fans of other sports simply are not. If you are a Michigan man, those Wolverines really are playing for you, asserting on a weekly basis your superiority over Spartans and Buckeyes. If you're a Washington State alum, a win over those hated cross-state Huskies is not just a pleasing boxscore—it is the very affirmation your diploma; it is proof of your worth to the workforce of the Pacific Northwest. If you're a Penn Stater, a Nittany Lion win on Saturday brings a sense of great peace: The knowledge that the old-school beliefs of one Joseph Vincent Paterno still matter in a world gone nutty.

And if you're an Auburn fan—the kind of guy who flies a "War Eagle" flag on your front lawn and has signed photograph of Bo Jackson sitting on your fireplace mantle—December 2, 1989 is right up there with July 4, 1776 and December 25, 1 A.D., among the most important dates in world history. As well it should be.

Folks, the 2007 college football season begins next week. And over the next five months, we will all live and die with our teams. We will thrill to upset victories and suffer through heartbeaking defeat. We will tailgate with optimism. Sometimes, we'll eat dinner through depression.

I can’t promise you a transcendent experience like the one on December 2, 1989 in Auburn, Alabama.

I can promise you the next few months will be a whole lot of fun.

Happy college football season, folks.

Welcome Back:
A Note From Your Editor

Welcome to college football 2007, folks.

I wanted to take a quick moment to update you about some changes we’ve made here, in our constant effort to make TCFA more enjoyable for you, our loyal readers.

First, you’ll note that we have once again redesigned our site. Thanks to Mrs. Your Editor for her hard work in making this site as classy, readable and organized as ever. In the months to come, we hope to finish work on some of the pages currently “under construction,” including the TCFA Archives and, possibly, a TCFA Online Store. Also, please note: If you want to hire Mrs. Your Editor for your design needs, please see her site here. We need the money.

Second, in breaking with our longstanding tradition, this year TCFA will be published twice a week. Yes, twice.

Though this arrangement may strain relations between Your Editor and Mrs. Your Editor, I finally decided that the once-a-week-arrangement was simply not enough TCFA. The new Monday edition of TCFA will give us the opportunity to recap the weekend that was, moan about Dick Honig’s horrible officiating and collectively overcome our football hangovers. The Friday edition, as usual, will preview the weekend to come, and will continue to include the ever-popular Prognostication page, wherein Your Editor does battle with (and usually destroys) a Guest Prognosticator.

Thanks again for reading, folks, and please feel free to contact me at anytime.

Now, on to this week’s TCFA …

 

Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• Pete Carroll is the best recruiter (wink, wink) in the country, better even than Mack Brown at Texas, and so his Southern Cal (snore) team is the toast of Los Angeles (snore), even moreso than Lindsay Lohan. And though Your Editor finds the idea of Southern Cal somewhat galling (the celebs on the sideline?; horrible), I also know that when the Trojans take the field this year, they will have more talent than any of their opponents. Of course, there is a downside to having all that talent. Get too many “five-star” recruits in one locker room, and a few of them are going to find themselves No. 5 on the depth chart. Eventually, the transfer requests start rolling in. That’s what happened this summer at Southern Cal (snore), as two former super-recruits have left the program on less-than-happy terms. First, tailback Emmanuel Moody—who was the Trojans’ second-leading rusher last season—announced he was leaving, probably for Oklahoma State, because he felt forgotten. Then, last week, receiver Jamere Holland followed suit. Carroll seemed copasetic about Moody’s move (and why not?: the Trojans have nine tailbacks on the roster) but was clearly annoyed by Holland’s departure. So much so, in fact, that when Carroll met the press later, he held his trident aloft and accused other coaches of approaching Trojan players illegally, trying to convince them to jump ship for greener pastures—and more playing time. Said The Devil: "In a competitive sense, I understand why [coaches] would eyeball our roster and look for guys here and there. We have a terrific football team. But the other side of it is it's illegal." Oh, stop whining.

• I love college football, folks. And I love Penn State. In fact, Joseph Vincent Paterno ranks No. 2 on my list of The Greatest People Ever (behind only Benjamin Franklin, inventor, statesman and brewer). But you know what? If I had $1 million, I would certainly not spend on it on one dinner with Joe. This apparently is not the case with many Florida Gators fans, though, as University of Florida has introduced a new capital campaign that features the single most disturbing promotion ever: For just $1 million, Gators fans can have “a dinner with coach Meyer.” That’s one dinner. At any restaurant of your choice. In the gastronomic capital of America, Gainesville, Fla. It is remarkably stupid. Not, however, as stupid as the next giving level. For just another $4 million, clinically insane Gators fans can “spend a game day with the Gator football team.” What do you get for $5 million? I’ll let the ace fundraisers at Florida tell you: “Game day begins eating breakfast with the team. You will then load the buses with the team and head to Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. You and your guest will experience the Gator Walk as you follow the team through thousands of fans on your way into the stadium. Once inside the stadium you and your guest will enter your locker room where your personalized Gator jersey is waiting for you. You and your guest will watch team warm-ups from the sidelines, join the Gators in the locker room and hear Coach Meyer’s pre-game speech and then take the field with the team running out the tunnel (don’t forget to rub the Gator head). You will have the best seats in the house as you catch all the action from the sidelines. Your day ends with a special commemorative photo.” It’s a steal, folks.

• For far too many years, the Miami Hurricanes have been foisting their brand of NFL-styled college football on America, forcing us to watch (i.e., cringe) as they take the field through that horribly goofy smoke machine, acting like fools. That will continue, probably, for years to come. But after this year, it won’t be happening at the Orange Bowl. In a move that many people seemed to care about but I don’t, the Hurricanes announced this week that 2007 is the final year for Miami football at the Orange Bowl, the historic but decrepit stadium that has hosted some of college football’s great games in the past century. University president Donna Shalala called it a “painful and sad decision.” What is even more sad, says Your Editor, is that the University has announced it will instead be playing its games at Dolphins Stadium, home of the NFL’s (snore) Dolphins (snore). In other words, the ‘Canes are moving from one rented stadium to another. Brilliant. What this means is that the ‘Canes, who already had trouble drawing fans at the Orange Bowl (even though it was only 8 miles from campus), will now have even more trouble, because Dolphins Stadium is apparently located somewhere near Ecuador. In an unconvincing pronouncement, new ‘Canes coach Randy “Thanks To This Announcement I Am Leaving Miami To Become Coach At West Texas State” Shannon said: "A lot of people say moving to Dolphin Stadium, you won't get the fan support. But if you're truly a University of Miami fan, you're going to come.” Dear Randy: No they’re not. Sincerely, Tim.

• There are very, very few sensible people in the college football universe. Apparently, more than a couple of them can be found on campus at Iowa State University. When Iowa State recently decided to redesign their uniforms (and believe me, a change was needed) they did the most sensible thing possible: Instead of hiring a “marketing” firm to come up with an inevitably terrible design (See: Pitt’s new logo, which fans have labeled, "The Dino-Beagle."), they instead opened up the new design to—oh my!—their fans. So now, via online balloting, Iowa State fans will be the ones to decide what the 2008 Cyclone helmet will look like. This move comes after a recent review of the Iowa State look determined that—surprise—after years and years of mostly dumb changes, Iowa State had managed only to make themselves look ridiculous. Turns out that—surprise!—the original Iowa State unis looked best (this is a lesson that should be heeded by every program in the country that finds it necessary to change their uniforms endlessly: This means you, Pitt, Oregon, Miami, Virginia Tech, Florida, etc., etc.). "The [original] true cardinal and gold colors are richer than what we presently wear," said Cyclones coach Gene Chizik "In looking at the throwback uniforms we're wearing this fall, I couldn't help but notice how much our color had changed over the years. The darker colors are much classier and more dramatic." Speaking of which: I know of one program that hasn’t changed their uniform much in the past 120 years. They play in Central Pennsylvania.

 

Quick Hits:
Straight And To The Point

• As you know, folks, I like to give the Miami (Go Away) Hurricanes a hard time. But I have to give them their props as they say goodbye to the Orange Bowl (site of Penn State’s 2005 Orange Bowl win over Florida State AND the notion of ‘Southern Speed’). You may forget, but I don’t, that between 1985 and 1994, the ‘Canes never lost a game at the Orange Bowl. That’s right. They won 58 straight there. Impressive, in a dirty kind of way.

• Speaking of filth … The floundering Miami (Go Away) Hurricanes are pinning hopes of revival on new head coach Randy Shannon, who has impressed the national (clueless) media with his efforts clean up a program that was once dirtier than Your Editor’s household Diaper Genie. As ESPN’s Joe Schad recently reported: “Shannon has banned guns.” Well, let’s hear it for Shannon.

• I just think it’s funny that Shannon actually had to ban guns.

• Darren McFadden is the best thing to happen to Arkansans since [insert important moment in Arkansas history here]. McFadden can look forward to a disastrous NFL (snore) career with the Cleveland Browns.

• Former Michigan quarterback and current Stanford head coach Jim Harbaugh made waves this summer when he accused his alma mater of bending the University’s academic rules to get football players into, and through, the Michigan system. Said Harbaugh: "Michigan is a good school and I got a good education there, but the athletic department has ways to get borderline guys in, and when they're in, they steer them to courses in sports communications. They're adulated when they're playing, but when they get out, the people who adulated them won't hire them." This did not go over well in Ann Arbor. First, former Michigan tailback Jamie Morris -- a longtime friend of Harbaugh -- officially ended their friendship. Then Coach Lloyd Carr called Harbaugh "elitist." Finally, Michigan tailback Mike Hart dropped the hammer, saying: "He's not a Michigan man. I wish he had never played here." Ouch.

• Ohio State fans, God bless them, have the unique ability to convince themselves that, no matter how good players on other teams are, the Buckeye counterpart is always better. I recall, back in the halcyon days of the late 1990s, being told by delusional Buckeye that they had a linebacker better than LaVar (no last name necessary). That linebacker’s name? N’Aill Diggs. Ring a bell? Of course not. Because Diggs sucked. This uniquely Ohio phenomenon helps explains why everyone in Senator/Emporor Tressel’s domain believes the Buckeyes are BCS-bound again, even though their quarterback is Todd Boeckman. Because, see, Boeckman is better than Henne, Morelli, Williams, Painter, etc. – you know, quarterbacks in the Big Ten who have actually played before.

• Is there a more overrated player in recent history than Ohio State linebacker James Laurinitis? Answer: Yes. Everyone at Louisville. And Rutgers. And ESPN. Minus Fowler, Herbstreit and Corso. And Gammons.

•Finally: Joe Paterno will not retire after this season. In fact, he may not retire until 2010. The man is walking six miles a day again. He is indestructible. He is, quite possibly, Yoda.

TCFA Top 20: The Least Nonsensical Poll In The Nation

1. Southern Cal: More talent than anyone. A better chance to win the BCS (mythical) Championship than anyone. But Pete Carroll used to coach the Jets. That's worse than flipping burgers. Or being one of Michael Vick’s dogs. Or the NFL.

2. Texas: Mack Brown reminds me of my dog, Eli. Shows such promise. The results leave me wanting.

3. LSU: Best stadium in the south. Best speed in the south. Best team in the SEC. And I bet half of you can't name their coach.

4. Florida: Basically an NFL team at this point. Fitting, because that's where Urban will be in two years.

5. Michigan: Henne, Hart, Long, Manningham. That's a collective, "Ugh" you're hearing in Madison, State College and Columbus.

6. Oklahoma: Bob Stoops remains, in Your Editor's humble opinion, one of the top 3 coaches in America. Because he understands Bear Bryant's brilliant logic: Want good players? Spend the money.

7. West Virginia: Can we stop believing Big East teams are Top 5 material?

8. Louisville: Can we stop believing Big East teams are Top 5 material?

9. UCLA: They may win enough games to actually draw non-embarrassing crowds. Maybe eve a half-empty Rose Bowl! My God, L.A. sucks. Worse than Baghdad. Or Detroit. Or the Jets. Or the NFL.

10. South Carolina: Ball Coach.

11. Florida State: "Dad Gum Ball Coach."

12. Virginia Tech: I have never liked the Hokies. But given the recent developments in Blacksburg, I'm rooting for them. And against the NRA.

13. Wisconsin: Good defense, good special teams, great talent development. Only problem? John Stocco finally retired.

14. Ohio State: Troy Smith, gone. Ted Ginn, gone. The highly overrated Antonio Pittman, gone. Sen. Tressel remains. As does the Youngstown division of La Costra Nostra. And a whole lot of players from Cleveland Glenville High School.

15. Penn State: If you ever see a linebacker better than Dan Connor, it will be in heaven. When Jack Ham dies.

16. Nebraska: The 12th team in the Big Ten. Penn State's annual rival. It's gonna happen! Certainly would be better than Pitt. Or Missouri. Or Rutgers (snore).

17. Georgia: According to my sources (in Baltimore), the 'Dawgs have roughly 15 All-American-caliber tailbacks. And zero linebackers. Of any caliber.

18. Rutgers: Snore. Can we stop believing Big East teams are Top 5 material?

19. Illinois: Interchangable parts to follow: Zooker. Mack Brown.

20. Tennessee: Still recovering from a Scirrotto-induced hangover.

Others receiving votes: Nobody. TCFA knows exactly who belongs in the Top 20.