Nov 18, 2010

No going deep this week.

No breathless prose about the beauties of college football. No ridiculously detailed examinations of new and underappreciated rivalries. No overwrought tsk-tsk'ing about the sad decline of our American college football tailgating culture.

None of that. I'm just playing it straight.

Because, you see, I've got something a little more concrete to write about on this fine Friday. Something a little more ... immediate.

Something like this: A college football road trip. To my old stomping grounds (well, kinda). For Penn State vs. Indiana. With a bunch of good friends. And one Young Jack.

We will tailgate.

We will watch college football.

We will have a grand old time.

We will hopefully such a grand old time that we will remember this particular college football road trip for years to come ... even though our tailgate will take place in an expansive concrete parking lot bereft of any joy or good. And even though the game itself will take place in the worst football stadium ever constructed.

In other words, yeah, we've got a challenge ahead of us.

***

Yes, it is both sad and true: Indiana has sold this year's scheduled home game against Penn State. Sold it to the Washington Redskins, to be exact. Which is why this game--this Indiana "home" game--is being played 628 miles away from Bloomington (and only 199 miles from Penn State), in the bland, lifeless, generally depressing Washington suburb/glorified zip code that they call "Landover, Maryland" (its one redeeming quality? Sounds like "Landon").

The "town" (well, zip code) of Landover is famous for two things (besides sounding like "Landon"):

1. Being home to the Washington Redskins

2. Traffic.

And that's pretty much it.

Since the Redskins moved out of glorious old RFK Stadium and into this Palace Of Greed in 1997, the most enduring storyline about Redskins football is the fact that Redskins fans absolutely despite the stadium, FedEx Field, in which the Redskins play.

They can't stand the sightlines.

They can't stand the ticket prices. Or the food prices. Or the beer prices. Or the parking prices.

They can't stand that it takes hours to get in to the parking lots before the game and hours to get out of the parking lots after the game.

They can't stand that the stadium is located near absolutely nothing, which means if they want to eat, drink or do pretty much anything else in the hours before or after or during a Redskins game, they have to do it at ... FedEx Field. Anyone for a $12 microwave pizza? Maybe an $8 Miller Lite (rrrr ...)?

Mostly, they can't stand that the place is just so utterly soulless. Lifeless. Boring.

They once had RFK--the most collegiate of the old NFL stadia. A stately, historic, beautiful place, nestled right there in their beloved city. And now they have "FedEx Field," A Massive Oval Of Math And Profit, built solely for the wishes and needs of the NFL powers-that-be, and without any consideration of the poor fans that actually have to endure their Sunday afternoons there.

I mean, by all accounts, it's just a wonderful place to watch a game.

***

Certainly, I have my worries, then, about how our Penn State-Indiana tailgate is going to go. How it's going to affect Young Jack. How it could taint the college football experience for him. Forever.

I mean, talk about contrasts, folks. Last time Jack saw the Nittany Lions play in person, he saw them play in Happy Valley. At Our Beloved Beaver Stadium. In the shadow of Mount Nittany. With the natural beauty of the Alleghenies all around him, and the smell of Happy Valley manure hanging heavy in the air, and Nittany grass beneath his Nittany feet, and the Blue Band playing off in the distance, and kind and good and wonderful Penn Staters all around him. It was September in State College. Syracuse was in town. It was 65 and sunny. It was ... perfect.

And now?

Well, now he's going to ... Landover (--->>>). Where there are no mountains. Or nature. Or any kind of football atmosphere whatsoever. As for the manure smell? Well, it's there, but it emanates directly from Capitol Hill, where honesty dare not tread.

So, yeah, I'm worried.

But also confident.

Confident because we know what we're doing. Confident because although we may be tailgating in The Shadow Of That Palace Of Evil, we will remain college football fans at heart--and will treat the day as a college football Saturday. Location be damned.

Confident because we will bring all of the things to our tailgate that true college football fans bring to their tailgates.

We will bring fine craft beers and Bloody Marys (Mike claims he'll be bringing Miller Lite, too, but I will ignore this, and pretend the imbibing of That Awful Liquid is not actually taking place).

We will bring tailgating foods that can fully be classified as "a cut above": Sausages and peppers instead of hot dogs; crab salad instead of chips and dip; mysterious homemade hot sauce produced a Cleveland-area chemist instead of that store-brand stuff.

We will bring quality tailgating music. Music by people with last names like Cash and Nelson and Haggard and Richards and Adams and Hood.

We will bring our marching band CDs, because, yes, marching bands do matter. Even in Indiana.

We will bring satellite radio. Not because we are particularly interested in any of those 8,000 music channels, but rather because no college football Saturday is complete without College Gameday. And Gameday, as it turns out, is available on satellite radio.

We will bring a life-sized standup Emporer Jim Delany. [Note: not really; probably]

We will bring high hopes for the day. High hopes for the season that remains. High hopes for a decent or at least average bowl bid.

We will bring the enormous pride we carry for our beloved alma maters. A pride that is indefinable. Unexplainable. But real, and powerful.

Powerful enough, even, to overcome the emptiness and soulnessness that will surround us, this Saturday, in the expansive parking lots of Landover, Maryland.

True, FedEx Field may be awful. True, Landover may be nothing more than a postal code. And true, this edition of Penn State-Indiana may, in fact, be played at an NFL (snore) stadium.

But it is still a college football game.

And that's good enough for us. .

out and about: news and notes you may have missed

• At some point, something's gonna break--and break big--in this whole Cameron Newton situation. But before I get to what that big break might be, a quick disclaimer: I am officially on the record as saying that, until we see concrete proof that Newton was, in fact, bought-and-sold on the recruiting trail, we have no choice but to give the kid the benefit of the doubt. Yes, doing so could result in Auburn winning a tainted national title and Newton winning a tainted Suzuki Heisman (Reggie Bush 2.0). And yes, that would really suck. However, I think we can all agree that there would be at least one scenario that would suck even worse. That scenario being the following: The NCAA or SEC suspending Newton prematurely, before all the facts are in, then finding out that he actually did nothing wrong, thereby unfairly robbing the kid and his team and their multitude fans of their potential dream season. OK, now, with that out of the way, here's the latest on what appears to be a big ole' SEC-style mess On The Plains. Not only are there now two (bitter, sad) Mississippi State boosters/former players claiming that Newton and his father demanded cash ($180,000???) during his recruitment, but there are also reports that both the NCAA and the freaking FBI are investigating. Sounds encouraging, Auburn fans.

• Here's the deal for The Snakeoil Salesman Wearing a Wizard's Hat, from the perspective of Your Editor: I think his job is safe. Safe no matter what happens in his team's next two (challenging) games: at home vs. Wisconsin, on the road against The Hated Buckeyes. Even with losses there, Michigan will have finished at 7-5, and will get to a bowl game, and given the financial commitment the folks up in Ann Arbor have already made to The Wizard, I have to think that they're going to take the "glass-half-full" approach to this situation, viewing the 7-5 season a big step forward rather than just another average season for once-elite program. Sure, The Wizard will have to fire his entire defensive staff. But I don't he'll mind. 'Cause The Wizard is all about The Wizard, That being said, my view on the situation is hardly the majority view. There are still some (i.e., many) who believe Michigan needs to win one of these last two games in order to save their coach (problem: Michigan won't win either of its last two games). As Detroit Free Press columnist Drew Sharp wrote this week: "A 7-5 record with no quality statements against the nationally ranked is only improvement to those either content with second-tier conference inferiority or fearful that blowing out Rodriguez and instituting another new system might trigger another long, difficult transition. But how is finally beating Illinois and Purdue a definitive step forward for where Michigan should be right now?" Ouch.

quick hits: straight and to the point

• Bad news, Big Ten fans: The first six Big Ten Championship Games are going to be broadcast by Fox, the single worst network in the history of the world. Be prepared to be subjected to a bunch of NFL announcers who have in their lifetimes combined to watch approximately 7 minutes of college football. Said The Emperor: "FOX Sports is known for carrying the biggest sporting events in the country and is a leader in the acquisition, creative production and cutting-edge promotion of national events." In other words, Fox has robots. Rrrr.

• Shocking but not-really-that-shocking stat about The Wizard's tenure at Michigan: The Wolverines under his watch are 1-11 against Ohio State, Penn State, Iowa, Wisconsin and Michigan State.

• I have gone back and forth on this at least 40 times this season. And though as recently as two weeks ago I was quite certain that 2010 would be Saint Joe Paterno's last season as coach at Penn State, I am now fairly convinced that Paterno will coach out his contract--which means he'll stay through the end of next season. The stars that had aligned have now been thrown out of whack. I will leave it at that.

• Speaking of Penn State. A season of injuries and general bizarreness continued on the injured/bizarre path this week, as it was announced that Nittany Lion punter/kickoff man Anthony Fera would miss this week's game against Indiana. Because he just had his appendix taken out. He will be replaced by a walk-on named "Alex Butterworth." Fera is the 17th starter or key contributor to be injured for Penn State this season. And yes, I am making excuses.

• I have made clear my feelings about Bret Bielema. Not just here on this site, but also over on the other one. But in the interest of fairness, I thought I'd share this link, in which another college football writer attempts to defend the indefensible. Make your own judgments.

• Speaking of That Ridiculous Affair In Madison, here's Indiana's Bill Lynch, talking about how his team can/will recover in the wake of, you know, being embarrassed for the entire nation to see: "You get that bunker mentality." OK.

• Speaking of the Big Ten, I am stunningly uninterested in Ohio State-Iowa. Can't figure out why.

• So college basketball season has started. And thus a cloud of misery has begun to gather over the otherwise cheerful Happy Valley. Actual text conversation with Friend of TCFA/St. Joseph's University alum Greg McGinley on Tuesday night (the Hawks played the Nits that evening): Greg [just after tip-off]: "FYI PSU has a basketball team." Your Editor: "I don't believe you." Greg [Ten minutes later]: "I was wrong. This has no resemblance to a basketball game."

• Looking for picks? Well, click here.

• Looking for the podcast, in which Tim and Mike reveal the story behind Jack Trice Stadium at Iowa State University? Well, click here.