Nov 9, 2007

I should come as no surprise to you, folks, that I take my college football seriously.

But here's the thing: I take college football seriously for the very reason that it is not serious.

In fact, college football is the least serious thing in my life. It is, important however, because it is an escape—a weekly refuge that allows me, each Saturday, to spend a few hours (or more than a few hours) thinking about nothing much. Except college football.

When I am in my refuge, I don’t have to worry about selling my house (an ongoing process). I don’t have to worry about money (as I get older, I realize this particular worry is not going away).  I don’t have to worry about that big deadline coming up on Wednesday, or that bigger deadline coming up on Thursday. I don't have to worry about college tuition. Or, for that matter, preschool tuition (which is actually quite comparable to college tuition, I think).

See, on Saturdays, I don’t worry about anything. Except Penn State winning. I just eat, drink and watch college football, America’s Greatest Sport.

Occasionally, though, this all-important Saturday refuge—this life-sustaining ritual of football, tradition and, yes, consumption—is taken away from me. It is taken away from me thanks to greedy cable companies. Or greedy networks. Or both.

That’s the case this week, folks, as my beloved Nittany Lions’ big game against Temple (don’t laugh; it’s a big game here) is being broadcast only on ESPN U., a channel that precisely five people in the entire country get.

More pointedly, absolutely nobody in Philadelphia gets the channel, because our friends at Comcast—which has a Standard Oil-like monopoly grip on the Delaware Valley—refuse to carry the channel on their standard cable packages, even though they carry every other sports channel under the sun, including ESPN Classic (hey, why watch a live game when you can watch one from 1983 instead?). I should also point out that Direct TV, of which I am a subscriber, refuses to put the channel on its basic packages. Basically, heres the deal: If I want ESPN U., it’s an extra $10 a month. And right now I don't feel like spending that.

But back to my point about Philadelphia.

Think about this, folks: ESPN U. is broadcasting a game—Penn State vs. Temple—that has absolutely zero interest anywhere outside of Philadelphia. And yet the only way to see this game in Philadelphia is to either buck up and pay for one of those rip-off “sports packages,” go to actual game (oops, sorry, sold out) or find a sports bar that’s showing it.

And you know what? None of the options are particularly appealing.

I mean, bars are nice, but I am usually best served watching Penn State at home.

In peace.

At my refuge.

Which, this week, I will not have.

And curses to those who have stolen it from me.

continued ...

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Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio made it a point, soon after taking over as the Spartans’ coach earlier this year, to emphasize his team was not going to lay down to the Michigan Wolverines. Dantonio installed a “countdown clock” to the Michigan game in the Spartans’ locker room and all but guaranteed that the Spartans would beat the Wolverines this season. Last week, Dantonio almost made good on his quasi-promise: The Spartans were less than a quarter away from beating Michigan. In fact, they were dominating the hated Maize-and-Blue. Then, of course, they collapsed. And lost. Afterward, Michigan tailback Mike Hart mocked the Spartans, telling the press he thought "it was funny" when Michigan State got a late 10-point lead: "They got excited. It's good. Sometimes you get your little brother excited when you're playing basketball and you let him get the lead. Then you come back and take it from him." That didn’t go over well in East Lansing. Responding to the comments on Monday, Dantonio said: “If they want to mock us, I’m telling them, it’s not over. They can print all that crap all they want all over their locker room—it’s not over. It will never be over here. It’s just starting.” The coach also made fun of Hart’s height, saying the tailback maybe shouldn’t be referring to anyone as a “little” anything, considering he's only 5-foot-9. “Does Hart have a little brother or is he the little brother?" Dantonio said. "I don’t know, he’s, like, that tall.” Added Spartans quarterback Brian Hoyer: “If anybody hadn’t taken this personal up to this point, it’s personal now. Sooner or later, the little brother—if you want to put us that way—you get pushed around, and little brother fights back and kicks the other brother’s ass. It just shows the arrogance they have.”

• Auburn-Georgia is one of those rivalries that does not get the respect it deserves (kind of like Michigan-Michigan State, or Penn State-Pitt, or Central Michigan-Western Michigan), and I think I know why: In a southern football landscape dominated by such legendary rivalries as 'Bama-Auburn, Clemson-South Carolina, Florida-Tennessee and so many others, Auburn-Georgia simply gets lost in the shuffle. But there’s no disputing that, even while this game may not even be the biggest game on each team’s schedule (I don’t think you’ll find many Auburn fans who would place this one above the ‘Bama game), it certainly has been one of the most entertaining series in recent college football history. Take, for instance, this unique oddity: The road team in this rivalry almost always wins. Take a look at these stats, folks: Auburn is 18-9 when playing at Athens, and Georgia is 13-9-2 out On The Plains. That trend continued last season, when the ‘Dawgs upset No. 5 Auburn 37-15 on the road. So what gives? Explains Auburn coach Tommy “On My Way To Texas A&M Because They Are Going To Offer Me Saban Money” Tuberville: "Last year we had a great season going and thought we were pretty good until Georgia got on the field and begged to differ. They started at the beginning and kicked us all the way to the end. You never know what's going to happen in this game."

• As we reported earlier this year, folks, the Indiana Hoosiers came into this season with a purpose: They wanted to make a bowl game. And they wanted to do so for their old coach, Terry Hoeppner. When he arrived in Bloomington a few years back, Hoeppner was exactly what Indiana needed to get over the hump: An Indiana guy who really believed in the potential of Indiana football. He brought an energy and excitement to the Indiana football program that hadn’t been seen since, probably, the Lee Corso years. And then, just when the Hoosier program appeared to finally be turning the corner, Hoeppner was gone--dead from brain cancer that he battled but could not beat. Last week, though, Hoeppner's old Hoosier squad achieved the goal the coach so badly wanted them to reach: They became bowl eligibile by knocking off Ball State, 38-20. Afterward--and after the Indiana crowd celebrated the moment by chanting Hoeppner's name--the coach's widow, Jane Hoeppner, said her husband would not have been surprised: "He absolutely knew it was going to happen and so I was feeling a lot of things at once,” Mrs. Hoeppner said. "It was incredibly satisfying. It was exciting. It was bittersweet. Because how could he not be here in the middle of all this?" Added Indiana’s stellar quarterback, Kellen Lewis: "The crowd started chanting his name and you just feel special, because you finally got what he always wanted. You just wish you would have gotten it done a year earlier."

Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point

• Amazing stat: Georgia has not beaten Florida and Auburn in the same season since 1982. That’s 25 years, folks. Said Georgia coach Mark “Pretend Christian” Richt: "I've already mentioned that to the team. You've gotta say something every day to 'em. You've gotta give 'em just a little bit of something before practice and maybe after practice -- just little things that make 'em think a little bit."

• Another amazing stat about Georgia: The Dawgs have beaten Auburn exactly once at home since 1991. That win came in 2003. Said Richt: "If you want to go to history, I'd say we've won (against Auburn) one of the last two times we were here. That's 50 percent. That's pretty good."

• Weekly Beano Cook quote of the week, Part I: “Every road game in the SEC is like Gettysburg."

• Weekly Beano Cook quote of the week, Part II: "Winning on the road in the SEC for football is as hard as winning on the road in the ACC for basketball. It's harder in basketball though.”

• As you know, we here at TCFA are big fans of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow, who is The Best Player In The Country. This week, Tebow and his overrated Florida teammates take on the South Carolina Gamecocks (remarkably, the ‘Cocks aren’t ranked!; I thought everyone in the SEC got ranked, just because they play in the SEC), and Ole Ball Coach knows his (terrible) defense is facing a real challenge. Said Ball Coach: “Tebow’s s a very good thrower. The tapes I’ve watched, he doesn’t miss many open guys. If they’re open, he doesn’t zing it five, 10 yards over their heads. He hits the guys when they’re open. He’s made some unbelievable plays when they’re not open and guys hanging all over him. So he’s sort of the quarterback of the future. He’s a guy that can run and pass. Or the quarterback of today. I should say that—today.”

• Speaking of Ball Coach ... Ball Coach was asked this week whether his team, should they finish 6-6, would deserve to qualify for a  bowl. Ball Coach said that he wasn’t sure, but then added:  “I didn’t think Notre Dame should have gone to those BCS bowls they been to every year, either, but they went. All they had to do was go 9-2 and they went. Don’t ask me about fairness in college football, now. That’s another story.” Ball Coach is my hero.

• Finally, Your Editor would be remiss if he did not mention that Penn State remains Linebacker U., has always been Linebacker U., and will forever be Linebacker U. For any number of reasons. But mostly beacuse Tom Bradley, Ron Vanderlinden and the crew up in Happy Valley keep churning out top-notch linebackers, year after year, like no other school in the country. This is topical because, last week, Penn State linebacker Dan Connor broke Penn State's all-time tackles record--a record that had been set, just a year earlier, by The Great Paul Posluszny. And the thing is, Connor's record might only stand for a year itself, as junior Sean Lee--who, in a Good And Just World, would be All-Big Ten this year--is right behind him. Said Connor: "My record, it will stand for a year. Sean will probably get it next year and then Navorro [Bowman] and then whoever. All I know is, this is where you go, coming out of high school, if you want to play good football at the linebacker position. To have this record, it's a great feeling."