Sep 12, 2008

In the wake of Ohio State receiver Ray Small’s comments about the general lack of “class” at Southern Cal (Said Small: “Here at Ohio State, they teach you to be a better man. There, it's just all about football."), the Trojans players were generally respectful and, to their credit, refused to be drawn into a meaningless and ultimately destructive press war.

I admire that. I really do.

Then again, maybe they didn’t need to say anything. Not with Los Angeles (snore) Times columnist Bill Plaschke in their corner.

If you haven’t read Plaschke's column yet, folks, well, I'll offer you this warning: Bill must have some kind of deep spiritual connection with the Trojan program.

Maybe he’s an alum. Maybe he is to USC what Rudy was to Notre Dame. Maybe he just forgot that he’s a journalist, and not actually a member of the Southern Cal football team.

I posit these theories simply because I'm searching for some kind of explnation for that column--a column in which Plaschke essentially spent 700 words or so whining like a little toddler about Ohio State’s lack of respect for his beloved Trojans and berating the Buckeeys as if they had just kicked his puppy.

Curious?

Of course you are. Well, here's some of Bill's weird comments:

Plaschke Highlight No. 1: “I'm still furious at the Buckeyes for ruining the last two national championship games by failing to show up in either. I'm sick of annually watching them awkwardly slog their way to the top of the polls by winning a conference that has become college football's version of the International League.”

Comment from Your Editor: Ohio State “ruined” the last two national championship games in part because Bill's beloved Trojans lost both to Oregon State (2006) and Stanford (2007). Interesting that Bill didn’t point that out.

Plaschke Highlight No. 2: “It's not that slow, boring, overrated football bothers me. … Sumo football, I can handle. But when those wrestlers and their fans show up with the attitude that this is the right way to play football? That this is the only way to play football? That's another story.”

Comment from Your Editor: USC plays in a rented stadium. It is a stadium they used to share with the Raiders, who play in the NFL (snore). End of story.

Plaschke Highlight No. 3: “The Trojans will take this personally. Ohio State will see. Small will see.”

Comment from Your Editor: Is Bill actually wishing ill on Ohio State there? Is he vowing "revenge?" Really, Bill?

In closing, I have three questions for Bill, who ceded all journalistic integrity by writing a column that essentially was a cheerleading piece for a team he so very clearly adores (and I wonder: does he write similarly adoring missives about UCLA?)

1) Dear Bill, what happened to, “No Cheering in the Pressbox?”

2) Dear Bill, do you think you’re actually a member of the Southern Cal football team? Because you’re not.

3) Dear Bill, did you lose your binky or something?

I mean, grow up.

USC will be just fine without you backing them up. They're big boys. I promise.

Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• Twenty years ago, Lou Holtz won a national championship at Notre Dame. This is notable, because the Irish have not been very good ever since. OK, I kid. In all seriousness, Holtz was a great college football coach—one of the best ever, in fact. And so it’s fitting that Holtz, the last great coach to roam the sidelines at Notre Dame, will be honored this weekend when his statue is unveiled in South Bend. Said Holtz: "I think it's as high an honor as I could ever receive. But it's a tribute to the players, the administration, the athletic directors. One person doesn't do that. That takes so many people. I'm humbled by it." Holtz compiled a 100-30-2 record at Notre Dame. Which reminds me: What is Charlie Weis’ record? Because I don’t think it’s 100-30-2.

• Up in beautiful (in theory) Syracuse, N.Y., this week, Hollywood folks will unveil a new film, The Express, about the life and sad death of Syracuse legend Ernie Davis, who earned the nickname, “The Elmira Express” en route to winning the Heisman Trophy (and breaking most of Jim Brown’s records). The film, staring Dennis Quaid as Orange(men) coach Ben Schwartzwalder, will debut Friday night. The next day, the current incarnation of the Orange(men) will take to the field at the horribly depressing Carrier Dome in hopes of turning their fortunes around against their old Eastern rival, Penn State. The experts, who have installed Penn State as 26-point favorites, aren’t giving Syracuse much of a chance, though, and it’s hard to blame them. Under the guidance (and I use that term loosely) of coach Greg Robinson, Syracuse has become one of the most miserable programs in the country. They are 7-30 (yes, 7-30) under Robinson and last week lost 42-28 to Akron. Needless to say, Orange(men) fans want a change. And they’ll probably get one—just not very soon. It’s bad form to fire a coach in the middle of a season, and Syracuse, for all of its faults, does tend to act in a generally classy manner. Look for Robinson to survive the season, even if ‘Cuse goes winless, and be replaced shortly thereafter by either Buffalo coach Turner Gill or, of course, East Carolina’s Skip Holtz.

• The Georgia Bulldogs travel to the inevitably humid and intimidating town of Columbia, S.C., this week to take on the South Carolina Gamecocks—and their old nemesis, Ole Ball Coach. Believe it or not, folks, Ole Ball Coach has compiled a 12-3 lifetime record against the ‘Dawgs (including a 1-2 record during his time at Carolina) and last year stunned them with a 16-12 upset. At Georgia. But his challenge this year is even greater, as the Bulldogs roll into Columbia with the No. 2 ranked team in the country, a star tailback in Knowshon Moreno (and an overrated quarterback in Matt Stafford; sorry, it has to be said) as well as one of the most underappreciated coaches in the country, the milquetoast Mark Richt. So can Spurrier pull the upset? No, probably not. But former ABC analyst and current CBS/SEC shill Gary Danielson, talking this week to Tony Barnhart of the Atlanta Journal Constitution, said he thinks Ole Ball Coach has a shot. Said The Shill: “This may be the game of Steve Spurrier’s coaching era at South Carolina. If you look at Spurrier’s history, he is not one to stress or go back to fundamentals for a big game. He tends to search for something to pull out of his hat. The Florida people will tell you about the 1997 game with (No. 1) Florida State when he rotated quarterbacks on every play. I think South Carolina is an extremely talented team. These guys don’t lack talent. They just aren’t getting it done. But I also think South Carolina will be more comfortable playing Georgia. South Carolina has already played N.C. State and Vanderbilt and I don’t think Georgia’s opponents--Georgia Southern and Central Michigan--compare."

Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point

• Did y’all see Knowshon Moreno’s spectacular hurdle of a Central Michigan defender last week? It was good. But not as good as the one Michigan’s Sam McGuffie pulled off last year (in high school).

• One note about that Georgia-Carolina game: The Gamecocks currently lead the SEC in total defense. They’re giving up just 181.5 yards per game. Just sayin.’

• Michigan and Notre Dame will meet in South Bend this week. And for the second straight year, both teams are unranked. In other words, this one doesn’t quite have the gravitas it once did. But don’t tell that to the Incredibly Overpaid Charlie Weis. Said The Overpaid One: "Let me not underestimate the magnitude of the game.” That's good stuff.

• If you hadn’t heard, Penn State tailback Evan Royster is pretty good. After averaging more than 6 yards per carry last season, the sophomore from Virginia—where he was an All-State lacrosse player and had scholarship offers from lacrosse powers Johns Hopkins and Virginia—has scored six touchdowns in the Nits’ first two games. That makes him the first player to do that in the 43 years Saint Joe Paterno has been head coach at Penn State. Said Penn State safety Anthony Scirrotto: "A few games last year, I saw this kid make some amazing runs, and I said, 'Geez, this kid is going to be good.'"

• Call me crazy if you will, folks, but I do not believe Beanie Wells will sit out the USC game Saturday night. Yes, I know The Vest declared Wells “doubtful.” But if this kid can walk, he’ll play. Because otherwise, who the hell is gonna play tailback for Ohio State? Answer: Nobody of interest.

• I say this not as a Big Ten homer but as somebody who actually has an interest in college football dating prior to 2006: I was once a great supporter of the ESPN Gameday crew, but their constant fifth-grade lovefest with the SEC is both without merit and without context. I mean, pick up a history book, fellas. Or at least have an original thought. These are my feelings, yes, and shockingly, I share them with Rich Rodriguez. Said RichRod: “I think sometimes the Big Ten gets bashed a little bit unfairly. I think you need to look at an entire body of work at the end of the year instead of just one or two games as far as judging a league. But perception is what it is.” Good point RichRod.

• As you may have read over here, Your Editor is very high on Minnesota coach Tim Brewster, who I believe will turn Minnesta into What Iowa Was Five Years Ago. And apparently, he’s got the quarterback to pull that off. Like, now. Because sophomore Adam Weber threw for five touchdowns, no interceptions and 531 yards last week in a win over Bowling Green—the same team that beat so-called Big East powerhouse Pitt the week before.

This week's picks ...