No-Fun November

I write this column every year.

It’s my “November column.”

I keep writing it for the simple reason that I feel it’s an important column for me, Your Editor, to write, and an important column for you, the reader, to read.

Because it holds two important messages. Which are the following:

1. College football season is nearing an end, so you better enjoy it while it lasts.

2. That being said, November isn’t nearly as fun as October.

The first point needs no further explanation. So I’ll mostly leave that one alone. Let me just remind you once more, however, that he moment the college football regular season ends, you’re going to be stuck watching NFL games on Saturdays. So plan ahead. Maybe sign up for a pottery class or something.

Now, on to the second point. Throughout the vast library of great college football literature, I would wager you might find, oh, several million references to the glories of October: October in South Bend; October at Michie Stadium; the Third Saturday of October in the SEC; and so forth.

By contrast, you might find two references about November.

Because November isn’t fun.

There are a few reasons for this, of course. First, November is cold. Second, November is, for a significant number of struggling teams out there (Washington, Washington State. Michigan), pretty anticlimactic. I mean, at least back in October those teams could rally around the idea of making a run at the Poulan Weedeater Independence Bowl. Now even that isn’t impossible.

But that’s not the biggest reason November isn’t any fun. No, the biggest reason November isn't any fun is that, now, the pressure for each-and-every contending team—and each and every fan of each and every contending team—is absolutely crushing.

Every play counts. Every touchdown a thrill. Every turnover a knife to the heart.

Because, folks, a loss now—if you’re Alabama, or Penn State, or Florida, or Oklahoma—renders pretty much everything you’ve accomplished in September and October almost meaningless.

Not completely meaningless, no. But almost meaningless.

See, folks, we have entered November—college football’s bruising, bloody, no-holds-barred stretch run. It is a time when poor fans like us sit in abject misery while watching our teams scrap and claw their way to the wins they need to stay in the hunt—for a bowl bid, for a conference title, for the national championship.

November is an important time.

It just isn’t a happy time.

It’s a stressful time.

It’s cold, too.

But like I said, try to enjoy it while it lasts.

Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• The first season of the Rich Rodriguez era at Michigan is officially a complete and total failure. With their loss last week to Purdue—yes, Purdue—Michigan is assured of a losing season, and their first non-bowl season, in more than 30 years. Everyone knew Michigan would take a step back this year, of course, but nobody—not even Your Editor—thought Big Blue would be this bad. Because, man, they’re really bad. And this week, the news got even worse. First, rumors surfaced that the jewel of Rodriguez’s first recruiting class, tailback Sam McGuffie, is extremely unhappy in Ann Arbor and may be seeking a transfer. Second, quarterback Steven Threet is said to be doubtful for this week's game against Minnesota due to a concussion. Third, key Michigan boosters and other Very Important People (like, maybe, Lloyd Carr’s friends) are said to be very unhappy with the Rodriguez administration. Fourth, and finally, the Wolverines are an underdog against Minnesota—Minnesota!—in this week’s battle for the Little Brown Jug. All of which may explain why reporters were on RichRod’s case this week. And RichRod did not enjoy the grilling. Asked about the rumors of unrest around the program, RichRod responded thusly: "Y'all want to make everything so much drama. I mean, this is unbelievable. Every time there's something said, everybody wants to make a big deal out of something, make so much drama about everything. ... Seems like for nine, 10 months that's happened. 'Oh, he said this.' I mean, let's psychoanalyze this, psychoanalyze that. Whatever.” Nothing denotes trouble, folks, quite like a sentence ending in “Whatever.”

• Pete Carroll is a heck of a recruiter. He’s one of the best football coaches in the country. He’s achieved remarkable things at USC. But you know what? He’s also a whiner. A horrible, unrepentant whiner. I mean, my God. I started warning y’all about a month ago that Carroll’s Annual Campaign Of Finding Creative Excuses For Why His Team Couldn’t Beat Some Horrible Pac-10 Opponent was about to begin. Well, this week, he finally cracked. And the campaign finally began. In a lecture to the always-non-challenging Los Angeles (snore) media, Carroll declared that he thought the BCS system “stinks.” Though he wasn’t explicit, we can safely assume that what Carroll actually meant was that the BCS “stinks” because, this year, it’s very clear USC has no chance of playing for the national title. Now, in Carroll’s mind, this is because the system is not set up to match up the two teams playing the best football "at the end of the year." See, Carroll believes the BCS should match up the two teams who would most likely win a playoff should there be a playoff. And that sounds all hunky-dory. Except for the fact that Carroll won’t tell you that his team blew it when they lost to Oregon State. They didn’t lose that game because of the BCS. They lost it on the field, in Corvallis, to a team that was better than them. So stop whining, Pete. Said The Whiner: "I don't understand how the thing works. I don't really know. Maybe you guys will answer for it one of these days. Maybe you know and I don't. I'm sure you do. What is the criteria of the process? Is it to pick the team that has the best season, that has the season that you like the most and feel best about voting for? Or is it the best team at the end of the year, the team that would win a playoff system if you did have it?" Dear Pete, stop whining. It’s unflattering. Kind of like your loss to Oregon State.

Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point

• Thank God for BCS analyst and computer ranking guru Jerry Palm. Said Palm this week: "People are treating the Big Ten like it's the MAC, which is ridiculous. But there's no evidence the SEC is much better [than the Big Ten]."

• I had to share one more whiny thought from our friend The Whiner, folks. Asked this week about the relative strength (aka, weakness) of the Pac-10, The Whiner declared that the Pac-10 would be better if not for a apparent scourge of quarterback injuries across the West Coast (snore). Said The Whiner: “The quarterback position is such a critical part, particularly in offenses that are so dedicated to throwing the football and moving it around and doing all the dynamic things that we do. I don't know, other conferences, you can look around, conferences that are maybe at the top of their game, check and see what's happening with their quarterbacks, see if that's been a factor. I bet it hasn't." Whaaaaa. Oregon State.

• So remember when Kansas State was relevant? Yeah, me too. Well, apparently, the folks in Manhattan (Kansas) do, as well. Which is why they fired coach Ron Prince this week—after less than three years on the job. Said Kansas State athletic director and Generally Unrealistic Person Bob Krause: "It's one of those decisions that are difficult to make, but in the final analysis we felt this was the best course for Kansas State University." I think Krause is wrong.

• Speaking of Kansas State: Guess who might end up returning to Manhattan? Bill Snyder. Believe it, folks.

• Your Editor felt obligated to give a shout-out to the one guy working for ESPN who can look at the college football world through non-SEC-tinted glasses: Big Ten reporter/blogger Adam Rittenberg. On the weekly ESPN blogger conference call this past Sunday, hosted by Ivan Maisel, Rittenberg calmly listened while the other bloggers ranted and raved about how Florida was so much better than everyone in the country (i.e., Penn State). Then, given his opportunity, and in a measured tone that one simply cannot find down in SEC country, he offered one of the great lines in podcast history: “I know everyone is going to want to beat up on the Big Ten. But hey Florida, feel free to beat Ole Miss at home.” Adam Rittenberg just took a big step toward induction into the TCFA Hall of Fame. He is the only person working for ESPN who matters.

• Kudos are also due to Boston Globe college football writer Mark Blaudschun, who this week took a step back and realized that President-Elect Barack Obama’s alleged support a college football playoff may have been politically motivated. Shocker! As Blaudschun points out, it just so happens that two of the most important swing states of the just-completed election (snore) are also home to two very large, very popular state universities that may well end up getting the shaft from the current BCS system: Pennsylvania and Florida. Of course, Florida has less to complain about, because they lost to Ole Miss. At home.

• Speaking of teams that haven't lost to Ole Miss (at home), here's some news from Penn State. Nittany Lions quarterback Daryll Clark, who remains the Big Ten’s top-rated passer despite a below-average performance against Ohio State, confirmed this week that he did, in fact, suffer a concussion in the third quarter against the Buckeyes. It was a serious one, too. Clark says he blacked out for a significant portion of the second half and doesn’t remember much of what happened in the fourth quarter of the Nits’ 13-7 win. Said Clark: “Usually when you get hit like that, you get a little ringing. I kind of knew this might be a concussion because that ring did not disappear until the next day." Clark expects to play this week against Iowa. The coaches say they expect him to play, too. Your Editor is not so sure.

• Warning, aspiring college football coaches! Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville is officially looking to hire an offensive coordinator. But let Your Editor warn you: If you take this job, you will more likely than not be fired (without reason) in under six months. Said Tommy “I Will Fire Anybody In Order To Save My Own Job” Tuberville: "What I'm looking for is somebody that fits into what we'd like to do, but also gives us a future in terms of being able to recruit. That's 99 percent of it. You've got to be able to get players to buy into what you're doing, on defense and offense. Then you have to have a good salesman. It starts with the head coach and then it goes to the offensive and defensive coordinators." In other words, Tuberville is looking for somebody who can handle the heavy lifting with recruiting through February, then be easily fired before spring practice starts. Fair warning, applicants.