The Hangover

How I am feeling: A little strange, to be honest—even though My Beloved Penn State Nittany Lions opened the season with a 31-7 win over the Akron Zips. Now, you may well wonder: Why does Your Editor feel strange? Well, here's why: Even though college football has arrived, it just doesn't feel "real" yet. Not to me, at least. And maybe not to you, either. That's the weird thing about college football, folks. There is no "spring training." There is no "preseason" (snore). It just starts. And sometimes that jarring transition—no college football, and then, suddenly, college football—is difficult to manage. The only solution: Watching more college football. Which I'm about to do right now. Rutgers-Cincy in 38 minutes! And no, I'm not even going to a throw a "snore" at that one. Out of respect to Cincy.

What I am drinking: Penn Pilsner, a fine beer produced by the good folks at Penn Brewing in Pittsburgh, Pa. If you drink "light beer" (gasp; gag), do me the favor and at least give this beer a try. It's better than the Miller/Bud/Coors "lights" of the world; and yet it's still "drinkable." Whatever the hell that means.

What I am listening to: Kings Of Leon, Only By The Night. I told ya, folks, they are the TCFA Band of the Year. Last year, there was Death Cab for Cutie. Three years ago, there was Drive-By Truckers. Eight years ago, there was Whiskeytown. Well, 2009 belongs to the Kings. The music is great, of course. But here's a bonus: They named themselves after their dad. We here at TCFA support people who like their fathers.

My thoughts on the weekend: I've got a bunch. And here they are:

1. Sam Bradford's injury isn't the story of the weekend. Nope. The story of the weekend is that Oklahoma's offense stunk even when Bradford was in the game. The Sooners—a team that averaged, what, 50 points a game last season?—managed all of 265 yards against a BYU squad that, while good (obviously), simply should not (and does not) have the athletic ability to match up with Oklahoma. Something is amiss in Norman. And that something is called .... "complacency."

2. I have important news, folks: As you know, for the past several years, my college football cocktail of choice has been the hallowed Vodka Martini with Blue Cheese-Stuffed Olives. It is a grand drink. It will always remain dear to my heart. But as of this moment, it is not my favorite drink. Because my new favorite college football cocktail is the Vodka Martini with Jalapeno-Stuffed Olives. Give it a try, folks. You'll feel smarter. But remember the cardinal rule of martini-drinking: One is not enough; three is too many.

3. Ohio State fans should be worried. Because I don't care how you spin it. That was not a promising performance against Navy. I've given the Buckeyes the benefit of the doubt for years now; my confidence in them dates to my bold prediction that the '02 Buckeyes would not only cover the spread (snore) against the "Greatest Team Ever" ('02 Miami Hurricanes) in the 2002 Mythical National Championship Game, but actually beat them. I was mocked for my prediction (hi, Mike) but eventually proven correct. In the years since I've tried in vain to replicate that success. I predicted the Buckeyes would beat Florida in the 2006 Mythical National Championship Game. They got demolished. I predicted they would beat LSU in the 2007 Mythical National Championship Game. They got overpowered. And I predicted they would beat Southern Cal in September of last year. They got embarrassed. Well, I'm done. I'm burned out on Brutus. Pete Carroll's boys are going to destroy the Buckeyes on Saturday night. And the Big Ten bashing will reach levels heretofore unimagained. People are going to start lumping us in with the Big East, and then Your Editor will be uber-unhappy.

4. Back in July, I predicted Michigan would win eight games. Yes, eight. And you know what? I am feeling pretty good about that prediction right now. Tate Forcier is legit. Denard Robinson is legit. And there ain't nobody talking about the 20-hour-per-week rule now, is there?

5. Jimmy Clausen will be a Heisman finalist.

6. Iowa looked god-awful against Northern Iowa on Saturday. In fact, if you hadn't heard, they needed to block a field goal (twice) in order to secure the win. Afterward, Northern Iowa coach Mark Farley said: "We should have won that thing hands down." He's right. Kirk Ferentz has some work to do out in Iowa City.

7. The Big Ten Network's new Saturday morning show, Big Ten Cookout, needs work. I'll still watch, of course. But I'm just saying: It needs work. Also, I have to ask. Why on earth did they decide to it put on at 10 a.m. Saturday morning—up against ESPN College GameDay? I mean, do they not want the show to succeed? Oh, and speaking of the Big Ten Network and food ... happy to see that the folks at Ro*Tel have enhanced their marketing initiatives this year by creating a joint ad campaign with the folks at Velveeta. Ro*Tel + Velveeta + Big Ten Network = Perfection.

8. One of ESPN's new color commentators is former Michigan quarterback Brian Griese. He sounds exactly like Glen Mason. I mean, it's creepy.

9. Greg Paulus is a lot better than I gave him credit for. If you folks didn't see the Duke point guard-turned-Syracuse quarterback make his college debut on Saturday against Minnesota, well, I've gotta say, you missed something worth watching. The kid is just a natural athlete. After a rough start (fumble on his first play!), Paulus actually looked pretty good. I mean, he looked like a real quarterback and everything. And though one poor decision in overtime likely cost 'Cuse the game, I have to say, Paulus gives the Orange a legitimate shot to compete with almost any team on their schedule. Yes, I'm serious.

10. College football season is just so much better than any other season that I sometimes struggle to comprehend how awesome it is, and how it got that way. This past Saturday was just glorious. As are most Saturdays in Autumn. College football is back and life is good.

Three Yards and a Cloud of Dust

Three ...: If you think I'm a homer for the Big Ten, well, you're right. Go Big Ten. But my homerism does not compare to that of Tony Barnhart, longtime writer for the Atlanta Journal Constitution, self-proclaimed "Mr. College Football" and Ultimate SEC Shill. On Sunday, in the wake of Georgia's 24-10 loss to Oklahoma State (Barnhart had predicted a Georgia win, in part because he said the Oklahoma State crowd wouldn't be as loud, nasty and [fast?] as SEC crowd) Barnhart wrote the following: "Here is the reality of playing in the SEC. The defensive coordinators around the league are going to look at that video tape [of the Georgia-Oklahoma State game]. They will see Georgia’s first possession and how the Bulldogs just blew Oklahoma State off the ball. Then they will see the adjustments Oklahoma State made to put the pressure on the quarterback. At most SEC schools, if the defensive coordinator does not want you to run the ball, it is going to be difficult to run the ball. Ellis Johnson of South Carolina is one of the best defensive coordinators in college football. And trust me when I tell you that South Carolina’s defense is better than Oklahoma State’s." I mean, seriously? How on earth do you use an SEC loss as proof of SEC superiority? Maybe Big Ten fans can find a way to use Ohio State's (pending) loss to USC as evidence of Northern Speed.

Two ...: I like Ron Zook. I really do. He seems like a decent guy. Sincere, honest, dedicated. And certainly, we know the guy can recruit. But I'm really beginning to wonder if he can actually coach. At all. By any measure, Illinois is one of the most talented teams in the Big Ten. And yet they got absolutely destroyed by a rebuilding Missouri team on Saturday night. Juice Williams looked terrible. Aurellious Benn left with an injury. And a few players seemed to be bickering on the sidelines. Zook is now officially (cliche on the way) on the hot seat. If he doesn't win eight games, he's out of a job.

One ...: A few quick thoughts on Penn State (for my loyal Nittany Lion readers). First, the good: Daryll Clark (353 yards passing, 3 touchdowns) is our best quarterback since Kerry Collins; Sean Lee is better than ever; the wideouts, as you saw, will be fine, especially Derek Moye and Chaz Powell; the front seven will be dominating. Now, the bad: Lavarro's injury is more than a litte bit troubling, because he's going to be dealing with it all season; the defensive backfield needs a lot of work, no matter what happened against Akron; kicker Colin Wagner is going to produce many nervous moments; and while the offensive line isn't as bad as it looked, it will never be as dominating as the 2008 line.

Touchdown ...: I'm going to throw two predictions at you this week, folks. So here goes: 1. Notre Dame is going to absolutely throttle Michigan. Let's say ... 35-7. Yes, I know I said up yonder that Michigan would win eight games this year. And they will. But this won't be one of them. This Notre Dame team is legitimately good. The best team in South Bend since 2005. The good news about this (and there isn't much) is that ESPN will no longer be able to dedicate all of its time to kissing the SEC's ass; the network will also have to save some airtime for Notre Dame. So that's something. 2. USC is going to absolutely throttle Ohio State. Let's say ... 45-10. I am sitting here trying to think of some way—any way— that Ohio State can beat the Trojans, and I'm just not coming up with anything. The Bucks don't have a bigtime threat at wideout. They don't have a bigtime threat at tailback. Their offensive line still looks fat and slow. And the linebacking corps? Well, they leave something to be desired, too. Yeah, I know Matt Barkley is a freshman. And yeah, I know he's never played a road game before. But if he stinks up the joint, so what? Pete Carroll can just throw Aaron Corp or Mitch Mustain out there, both of whom are better than Terrelle Pryor. Jim Tressel should just move Pryor to wideout now and get it over with. Because that's where he belongs.