Dec 4, 2009

I have nothing left to say.

For the past four months, Your Editor has written about just about everything there has been to write about in the world of college football.

I mean, everything.

I've written about The Chosen One and The Arrogant One. About Notre Dame's collapse and Illinois' collapse. About Lavarro's awesomeness and Daryll Clark's awesomeness. About SEC bias and, well, The Worldwide Leader in SEC Bias.

I've written about Jim "The Emperor" Delaney and TCU. I've written about Colt McCoy and Ndamukong Suh. Yeah, that rhymed.

I've writen about Iowa and Maryland and Oregon and USC (ha). I've written about SABAN and Gary Patterson, Urban Meyer and Brian Kelly, Kirk Ferentz and The Vest. I've written about the Kibbe Dome (a personal highlght for me, folks) and Husky Stadium, Michie Stadium and Beaver Stadium, Ohio Stadium and Sanford Stadium. I've written about Uga. Sigh.

I've written about tailgating with my buddies and tailgating with my family. I've written about Mrs. Your Editor. I've written about Young Jack and The Ever-Demanding Anna and Princess Leah. I've written about Ohio. My home state. And how much I hate it now. Kind of. But not really.

I've written about martinis with blue-cheese stuffed olives and martinis with jalapeno-stuffed olives. I've written about Victory Hop Devil. In fact, I am drinking a Victory Hop Devil right now.

I have written about college football. All of it.

And now, one day before the 2009 college football season comes to an end, well, I find that I have pretty much have nothing else to write. Nothing left to say. Not for this season, at least.

Now, now, folks, no worries. Your Editor is not riding off into the sunset. He’s not giving up TCFA, or the gig over on About.com, or his love of college football.

He’s just very ready for a break.

Very, very ready.

Very ready.

Ready.

See, folks, I have written approximately 61,000 words (and yes, that’s actually a somewhat accurate estimate) about college football since August—and that’s just here on TCFA. Add in the stuff over at About.com and, well, I’m easily up near 150,000. That’s not just one book worth of writing, folks. That's three books worth of writing. About just one college football season. And yet I don't have a book.

As any writer will tell you, when you write too much, for too long, without taking a good long break, well, bad things happen. Like, specifically, you stop being able to write well (can you tell?).

What’s the point of all of this nonsense? Well, I guess this column is just a really long, drawn-out way of saying the following: Yes, I am sad that the college football regular season will end tomorrow. But, heck, the time has come. So let’s get on with it.

Time for the regular season to wrap up (and, really, can we revisit this whole Army-Navy situation? Playing in mid-December? Really?).

Time to move on to bowl season.

Time to make that ever-awkward and difficult transition from watching college football all day each Saturday to … actually doing stuff on Saturday.

It’s a scary prospect, folks. But one we must embrace.

At least, we must embrace it starting Sunday.

Because up here in The Beautiful Wissahickon Valley, well, we’re going to do what we always do on Championship Saturday: We’re going to say good-bye in style. We're going to savor every last drop of it. Because we know when it's gone, well, it's gone. Just like Ki-Jana Carter in the 1995 Rose Bowl.

So I'm sure you're wondering: What's on tap for Your Editor's Saturday?

Well, this.

There will be guests from The Greatest City in America and guests from The Main Line. There will be a fire in the firepit and jalapeno-stuffed olives in the martinis. There will Victory Hop Devil in the fridge upstairs and Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale in the fridge downstairs.

There will reminiscing of the season that was, and talk of the bowl games to come (watch out Bayou Tigers, Lavarro is coming for you). There will debates about the SEC and the Big Ten and the Suzuki Heisman Trophy (Gerhart!) and the very (non-) existence of Southern Speed.

There will be ESPN bashing. There will be praise of DiNardo.

There will be a TCFA Bowl—Michigan Bob Seif vs. Patrick J. Hyland Sr. for the 2009 TCFA Championship. Wish them luck, folks.

There will be Pitt-Cincinnati. And Texas-Nebraska. And Georgia Tech-Clemson. And, of course, Florida-Alabama.

There will be good times.

College football good times.

There will be such extensive college football good times, in fact, that I can almost assure you that, come Monday, you’ll be reading about those very good times in your Monday morning edition of TCFA.

Hopefully, I will do those good times justice.

But if I don’t?

Well, don’t blame me.

Blame the season. Blame the grind. Blame those 150,000 words.

And wish me well in my recovery—so we can do it all again next season.

Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• I suppose I am obligated at this point to address the saddest story of the week: Bobby Bowden’s retirement from Florida State. So here goes. My take on Bowden is pretty simple: He created the blueprint—and I mean, the blueprint—for building a college football powerhouse in the modern era (The Devil has all but admiited that he's following this blueprint, folks). Make no mistake, that Florida State program back in the 90’s and early 2000s was the greatest college football dynasty since Bud Wilkinson’s Oklahoma teams in the 1950s (you know, the teams that won 47 straight games). Just look at the numbers, folks. They’re staggering: Bowden’s teams finished in the Top 5 in 14 straight seasons. They played in 15 straight New Year’s Day Bowl games. They played for the national championship five times in eight years, winning two of them. They were the fastest team in the country. They were hardest-hitting team in the country. They were the most intimidating team in the country (My favorite Bowden innovation? Instructing his defense to play “through the echo of the whistle.” When you played the ‘Noles, folks, you were gonna get hit—before, during and after the play.) It would be easy to say that Florida State was back then what USC or Florida are now. But that would be wrong, because the reality is, neither USC or Florida are even close to being as dominant today as Florida State was then. USC lost three games this season. Florida lost four games back in 2007 (and, for the record, they’re going to lose three next season). That never happened at Florida State, at least not during that great run. They just won. And won. And won. And won. And Bowden was the guy who made it happen. He looks old and beaten down and washed up now, and he probably is old and beaten down and washed up, but don’t let the image of that sad old man cloud the reality of his stunning accomplishments at Florida State. Urban Meyer is a great coach. SABAN is a great coach. The Devil is a great coach. But they aren't on Bowden's level. Not yet. Oh, and as for the critics who say that Bowden was too lax, that his players were too undisciplined, that he didn’t play by the rules, and that this team’s academic performance was, well, lacking? My response: That’s Southern football. He was just doing what he had to do to win. Cheating is somewhat expected (see: the entire SEC).

• Speaking of the World’s Most Overrated Sporting Conference/League/Organization Except For The NFL, I suppose I am also obligated at this point, on the eve of the SEC Championship Game, to address the (still unfinished) legacy of The Chosen One at the University of Florida. Look, I know we’re all tired of the guy. More accurately, I know we’re all tired of how The Worldwide Leader In Failing At Not Overhyping The Chosen One simply cannot help but spend at least 20 hours of airtime each week talking about him. Look, Worldwide Leader, we get it. We know the kid is good. So enough. E. Nough. Now, on to the question we will all be pondering for years to come: Just how good is The Chosen One? Well, I’ve got a few thoughts on that. First, I’d like to say that careers of college football players are similar to careers of U.S. Presidents (snore) in that they cannot be accurately judged until years after they end. Just wanted to get that out there for contextual purposes. Second, my gut says that The Chosen One is, at the very least, the best SEC player of the past decade, and clearly ranks right up there with Bo Jackson, Danny Weurffel and Herschel Walker as the best players the conference has seen in the past 30 years or so. But that’s about as far as I’m willing to go at this point. All these jokers promoting The Chosen One as “the greatest player in college football history” are simply being disrespectful to the game—and to the many men who played it pre-WorldWide Leader. The Chosen One may be among the Top 25 players of all time. He may be in the Top 15, even. But am I going to sit here, today, and say he's better than Red Grange? Or Barry Sanders? Or Dick Butkus? Or Randy Moss? Or Reggie Bush? Or Jim Brown (or, for that matter, Ernie Davis)? No, I’m not. Look, the kid is a phenomenal player. Truly phenomenal. But the greatest ever? Please.

Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point

• For the record, I think it’s pretty sad that Bobby Bowden’s retirement was so completely overshadowed by the events of the week (TigerGate; The Arrogant One’s fall from his Throne of Arrogance; Future TCFA Hall of Famer Ron Artest’s not-at-all stunning admission; The Greatest Basketball Player of All Time’s return to Philadelphia). I mean, Bowden is a legend on par with Parseghian and Paterno, Wilkinson and Neyland, Bryant and and Jones. And what does he get? Ten minutes on SportsCenter. Horrible.

• I cannot believe anyone is surprised by the Tiger Woods situation.

• Interesting note about the state of Ohio, folks: Depending on how things work out on Saturday, the Buckeye State could very well end up home to the Big Ten champion (Ohio State), the Big East champion (Cincinnati), the MAC champion (Ohio) and the Division III national champion (Mount Union). This note courtesy of Esteemed Architect Patrick J. Hyland Jr. Northern Speed + Thinking People.

• Quick note about the SEC Championship Game (complete breakdown on next page, by the way): Florida quarterback The Chosen One has been sacked 25 times this year. For the record, that’s not very good. Georgia’s Joe Cox has been sacked 11 times. Ole Miss’ incredibly overrated Jevan Snead has been sacked 13 times. Pitt’s Bill Stull has been sacked 9 times. Some guy named Larry Smith at freaking Vanderbilt has been sacked 20 times. In other words: ‘Bama wins.

• Barring a last-minute change of heart by the good folks at the Fiesta Bowl, it looks like it’s going to be Iowa vs. Boise State out in Tempe, which means it’s going to Penn State vs. LSU in the Capital One aka Citrus Bowl. And you know what? I’m fine with that. If Iowa gets the bid, well, they deserve it. Great season for Kirk Ferentz and the Hawkeyes.

• Speaking of Ferentz, why in the world does anyone think that guy has any interest in leaving Iowa City for South Bend? He’s got it made in Iowa City. He’s got some modicum of peace and serenity and security. Plus, let’s be honest, Iowa City is a much nicer place to live than South Bend, which is one of the least impressive college towns I’ve ever seen. Not horrible, mind you. But not impressive.

• So who takes the Irish job? Well, I’d be stunned—stunned!—if Cincinnati’s Brian “I Have Already Agreed To Be Notre Dame’s Next Coach” Kelly didn’t take it. He is the absolute perfect fit for the job, and I feel like he’s starting to realize that there’s only so much he can accomplish at Cincy. His players don’t believe he’s going to leave. I mean, they really don’t believe he’s going to leave (hello, Marty Gilyard). Well, Marty and gang are in for a shock.

• Oh, and if Kelly doesn’t take the job, do you folks realize who is rumored to be No. 2 on the Irish’s list? Skip Holtz. Skip Holtz. Skip Holtz!

• My Suzuki Heisman top five? Here: 1. Stanford’s Toby Gerhart; 2. Mrs. Your Editor’s Favorite Player; 3. Pitt’s Dion Lewis; 4. Notre Dame’s Golden Tate; 5. Alabama’s Mark Ingram. And then The Chosen One. Anyone who has The Chosen One No. 1 on their ballot does not understand football.

• Last year, Michigan State tailback Glenn Winston cold-cocked (and seriously injured) a Spartan hockey player by the name of A.J. Sturges. For his actions, Winston served four months in jail for aggravated assault. Well, no matter. Winston was welcomed back to the football team this season anyway. Despite the fact that he had just spent four months in jail. Four months! This didn’t go over well with Sturges, by the way, who issued the following statement when the reinstatement was announced: “Last October, I was assaulted by Glenn Winston. This was not a fight, or a disagreement. I was in bed in my room and came downstairs after hearing the commotion caused by three cars pulling up filled with screaming and violent people. I was standing in my front yard trying to figure out what was going on when Glenn Winston punched me in the head from the side. I never saw him. I did not have any chance to protect myself at all. Neither did his other victims. That night, I received a fractured skull, five stitches inside my mouth, and a subdural hematoma, or bleeding on the brain.” Hey, great decision, Mark Dantonio. Well, here’s a shocker, folks: Winston just got busted, again, for participating in a campus fight. I mean, stunning. Ten other Sparty players were suspended, too. Winston is gone for good. Same old Sparty.

• TCFA Song of the Week: "Crossroad Blues," Robert Johnson. Quite possibly the single song most responsible for the development of rock n' roll in the 20th century. As Keith Richards notes, folks, Robert Johnson is to the blues what Bach is to classical music. He was playing things that nobody could have even fathomed before he played them. I mean, this guy was riffing like this in the 1920s! The 1920s!