Thoughts From the Valley

The Hangover

How I am feeling: Surprisingly, not exhausted. After spending four days flying solo with Young Jack and The Ever-Demanding Anna, Your Editor feels ... OK. A little worn out, maybe. But not exhausted. I also am unusually chipper for a Sunday afternoon. Of course, that might have something to do with Penn State's utterly dominating 20-0 win over Minnesota on Saturday—and the fact that we are now just six days away from The 2009 TCFA Fall Festival And Celebration Of The Greatest Game Ever. Details below.

What I am drinking: A manhattan on the rocks. Words aren't coming easy today. Ol' John Daniels might help. Then again, he might not. I guess the bottom line is that I want a drink.

What I am listening to: Patterson Hood, Murdering Oscar (and other love songs). As You Longtime Readers know, Your Editor is mildly obsessed with the Drive By Truckers, Southern rockers extraordinaire. I know some of you readers enjoy these guys, too. Well, here's some good news: Lead Trucker Patterson Hood has finally released Murdering Oscar, a solo record that has literally been 15 years in the making. I'm happy to report that it's awesome. My nine-word review? It is a modern day Blood On The Tracks.

My thoughts on the weekend: I am not impressed with Texas

On a weekend on which we saw several Top 10 teams play, well, crappy, none looked crappier than Texas. And that's even though the Longhorns won.

First, let me say kudos to Colt McCoy and his teammates for getting to 6-0. Lord knows there are a lot of teams out there that would love to trade places with Texas. After all, undefeated is undefeated, and the 'Horns deserve credit for remaining so.

But I'm pretty sure anyone who saw that (ridiculously) ugly 16-13 win over Oklahoma on Saturday knows that there ain't no way in hell that Texas is going to finish the season undefeated.

And here's why:

The 'Horns can't run the ball.

The 'Horns can't protect McCoy.

The 'Horns have only one legitimate receiver, and as we saw on Saturday, if defenses can key on Jordan Shipley, they can very easily shut him down.

The 'Horns simply can't move the ball. They had 269 yards of total offense against Oklahoma.

And all of that is pretty bad.

But none of those things is the worst thing about this team.

No, the worst thing about this team is this: They just don't play well. They aren't disciplined. They aren't smart. They are Miami when Miami stopped being talented and just kept being stupid.

Against the Sooners, Texas turned it over four times. And committed 11 penalties.

In truth, they were damn lucky to escape with a narrow win against an injury-riddled, downright average Sooners squad.

Texas did not play well against the Sooners.

They haven't played very well all season, actually.

And eventually, the poor decisions, the dumb mistakes, the untimely penalties, the back-breaking turnovers and the inherent flaws are going to catch up with them.

Eventually—and this is a promise, folks—Texas is going to lose.

Possibly as soon as next week.

Three Yards and a Cloud of Dust

Three ...: Penn State's defense has not given up a first-half touchdown all season. There is not another defense in the country that can make the same claim. The Nits are tied with the Florida Gators as the No. 1 defense in the country, giving up just 8.6 points per game. Why? Here's why: Lavarro.

Two ...: I don't mind Mark May. I really don't. I know half of what he says on ESPN is just schtick (remember, Trev Alberts left ESPN because he was tired of having to play the "bad guy" role; it was an all an act). I know why May bashes Notre Dame and Penn State. I know that he probably doesn't believe half of the stuff he says about Pitt (his alma mater) and I know his on-screen rivalry with Lou Holtz is all just for show. Heck, I'll admit this: I actually enjoy May's work. He's insightful, in an offensive-lineman-kind-of-way. I just wish he would stop using the phrase, "The bottom line is ..." He says that all the time, folks. He says it sometimes up to 10 times per minute. Which is a problem, because there simply can't be that many bottom lines. There is, by definition, just one bottom line.

One ...: Indianpolis Star columnist Bob Kravitz, on the state of Notre Dame football: "On the postgame walk from the press box to the interview room, weaving through throngs of exiting Notre Dame fans, this is what I heard over and over and over again: At least we didn't get blown out. Not exactly 'Play like a champion today'' or 'Win one for the Gipper' is it? That, however, tells you just how far Notre Dame has fallen. Its once-fickle fan base, who used to demand not only victories but lopsided victories that covered the spread, has been reduced to finding solace in outcomes like Saturday's dramatic 34-27 loss to USC at Notre Dame Stadium."

Touchdown ...: Let this serve as your invitation, folks: This coming Saturday, October 24, Your Editor and Mrs. Your Editor will be hosting the 2009 TCFA Fall Festival And Celebration Of The World's Greatest Sport. It's an annual event during which we ... have people over to watch college football all day. Potential menu items include steamed clams, sausage and saurkraut, chili, dry-rubbed chicken, and countless other apps and small bites. We'll have Fine Beers From All Over The World. We'll have Vodka Martinis With Blue-Cheese- Or Jalapeno-Stuffed Olives. We'll have Manhattans On The Rocks. We'll have music courtesy of Willie Nelson, the Drive By Truckers, the Old 97s, Whiskeytown, Kings of Leon and others. We'll also have college football on, all day, from noon until midnight. Come one, come all, but if you come, bring us some beer (good beer).