Oct 30, 2009

Last Christmas, Your Editor’s Brother, the Esteemed Architect Patrick J. Hyland Jr., bought Your Editor a collection of great football writing. The book is titled (not very originally), “Great Football Writing,” and among those who helped put it together was Peter King, NFL (snore) beat writer for Sports Illustrated. Who just happens to be the only NFL writer I actually like.

With good reason: Despite his annoying East Coast bias (he once wrote that there is “nothing like” a big NFL game on the East Coast; gag), despite his anti-college football stance, and despite the fact that he is (unconscionably) a “Red Sox fan” even though he grew up in Jersey (snore) and went to college at Ohio University (go Bobcats), he is one heck of a writer.

This is the God’s honest truth, folks: I have watched all of one quarter of NFL football this season. But I still read King’s “Monday Morning Quarterback” column every single week.

Because it is good.

And informative.

And entertaining.

More entertaining than “The League” itself, actually.

Fact is, King knows how to write. And he knows good writing. Which is why, I suppose, that “Great Football Writing” is such a damn good read. Though it skews a little too hard toward the NFL for my tastes (I mean, King was involved, after all), the writing—from start to finish—is utterly fantastic. Perfect, even.

I have been reading that book a lot lately, even the NFL stuff, and so this week, I decided that I would dedicate this column to the greatest writers in college football, both past and present, and tell you, My Hopefully Loyal Readers, what you should be reading each week (when you’re not reading TCFA).

So here we go.

What follows is, shall we say, The Canon of College Football. Or maybe The Abbreviated Canon of College Football.

Besides, I've only got so much space, folks.

We’ll start with The Classics. Well, three of them, at least.

1. “Medora Goes to The Game,” by George Plimpton: I sincerely hope that each and every one of you will one day take the time to read this story, which is not really about football, but rather about why football matters. And also about fathers and daughters. And our hopes for our kids. And the reality that they sometimes want something else. And all of that kind of stuff. I first read this story way back in the mid-1980s, when I received a book titled “Sports Classics” as a St. Nicklaus Day Present. For all I know, my mother bought that book at a garage sale for 25 cents. No matter, I picked it up a short while later and read the entire thing. I was totally captivated. It’s the book that made me want to be a sportswriter. And none of the stories in that book stood out more than Plimpton’s. I even wrote a paper about it in college (I got an ‘A’). I still have “Sports Classics” on my bookshelf today. And I still read “Medora Goes to the Game” each and every autumn.

2. “Moment of Truth” by Gary Smith: This is one I only recently discovered, thanks to “Great Football Writing,” but given its vintage (the story is essentially about a single photograph, taken in the TCU locker room prior to the 1957 Cotton Bowl) it certainly qualifies as A Classic. In this stunningly well-researched piece, Smith jumps backward in time roughly 50 years to capture, through a series of searingly honest interviews, (let’s just say some guys looked back on this moment more fondly than others, folks) what was happening in the TCU locker room in the moments leading up to the Froggies’ showdown with mighty Jim Brown, Greatest Football Player Of All Time, and the Syracuse Orangemen. I cannot describe to you how or why this story works. It just does. Put 20 minutes into this piece and you will understand more clearly than ever the utter anguish that college football players—heck, all college athletes—face in the moments leading up to competition.

3. “A Civil War,” by John Feinstein. I am guessing most of you have read “A Civil War” by now. But if you haven’t, well, please do. Not sure what has happened to John Feinstein in recent years—complacency? boredom?—but he’s certainly not what he was back in the late 1980s and early 1990s, back when he was the genius behind both “A Season on the Brink,” possibly the greatest sports book ever written, and “A Civil War,” a year-long examination of the Army-Navy rivalry. If you’ve ever doubted that this great old rivalry still matters, well, think again. There isn’t a game in the country that means more—not to the players playing it, at least—than Army-Navy. In this book, Feinstein explains why.

So there are The Classics, folks—the stories from college football’s past.

But maybe you’re not into old stuff.

Maybe you’re anti-historical.

And so maybe you’re wondering: Where should you turn for the best college football information today?

Well, here are your answers.

1. Mr. College Football: Yes, I tend to criticize Tony Barnhart quite a bit. And yes, a lot of the time, he actually deserves it. Besides, there has never been a greater SEC/Georgia apologist than Barnhart, and the whole pro-SEC thing gets pretty old after a while. But you know what? This guy is called Mr. College Football for a reason: He's been covering the game for 33 years now, and he knows what he's talking about. You just have to learn to deal with his bias. He's sort of the personification of ESPN.

2. The Ivan Maisel/Beano Cook Podcast on ESPN.com: I’ve been hyping these guys for three years now. I will just say this: If you want to learn something new about college football history each and every week, this is the podcast you should listen to. It is funny. It is lively. It is informative. And Beano Cook has more stories about more coaches/players/athletic directors/writers/television people than anyone in the business. It’s posted every Wednesday. Download, listen and learn, folks.

3. Mark Bladschun at the Boston Globe: I can’t think of another writer I’ve quoted quite so much over the years. The fact that he has built a steady national readership while writing in the college football wasteland that is Boston speaks volumes about his talent.

4. David Jones at the Harrisburg Patriot: There may not be a more controversial figure in the Penn State press corps than Jones, who early made a name for himself mostly by bashing Penn State Coach And Great Man Joe Paterno. But Jones has mellowed somewhat over the years, and now reserves his criticism for the times when it is truly justified. As a result, his barbs are all the more powerful. As an “outsider” (Jones went to Ohio State), he offers a completely unbiased perspective on the state of Penn State football. Not that I’m the gambling (snore) type, but if I were, and if I were preparing to bet on the Nits, I’d read Jones’ stuff leading up to each and every game.

5. The College Football Athenaeum.

But that last one goes without saying, right?

I mean, what do you honestly learn from Stewart Mandel or Pat Forde that you don’t learn here?

Answer: nothing.

Right?

Right.

So let's get on with the news.

Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• A few weeks back, I wrote in this space about the NCAA’s complete bumbling of The Dez Bryant Situation at Oklahoma State. Well, there are some new developments to share here, folks, and (surprise!) these new developments only make the NCAA look more inept and petty. Sigh. Here’s a quick recap: Bryant, a star wideout for the Cowboys, spent some time hanging out last summer with former Florida State / Atlanta Falcons (snore) / Dallas Cowboys (snore) / San Francisco 49ers (snore) / Baltimore Ravens (snore) star Deion Sanders. Now, here’s an important point, folks: This time spent hanging out with Sanders was completely legal under NCAA rules. But the NCAA, choosing to ignore common sense and apparently looking to burn some money (hey, the economy’s great, why not?), sent a thuggish investigator out to interrogate Bryant anyway. When the hitman arrived, an understandably panicked Bryant told the thuggish investigator that he did not, in fact, spend time hanging out with Sanders. This little fib hurt the NCCA’s feelings, however. And  since the organization couldn’t punish Bryant for hanging out with Sanders (again, because that was legal), it instead suspended him for the one thing he did do wrong: Lie to the thuggish investigator. Explained Bryant: “The manner they asked the questions led me to believe that I did something wrong when in fact I had not. My mistake was not seeking advice prior to being interrogated and then turning around and not telling the truth." Still, despite the suspension, there had been hope in recent weeks that the dolts who run the NCAA would wake up and realize that they shouldn’t’ destroy a kid’s college career over a lie uttered in the midst of A Completely Moronic And Waste-Of-A-Time Investigation. Well, no dice. Because the NCAA announced on Wednesday that Bryant would be suspended until next season. Only problem is, there won’t be a next season, because Bryant is going to leave for the NFL (snore). Essentially what the stupid [insert expletive] NCAA has done here, folks, is rob Bryant of his last season in Stillwater, deprive Oklahoma State of its best player, and potentially ruin the 2009 season for thousands of long-suffering Cowboys fans. Hey, thanks, NCAA. You always know what’s best.

• Speaking of idiocy, let’s talk for a moment about the Iowa Hawkeyes. Now, the idiocy of which I speak is not the idiocy of the Hawkeyes, folk. No, no. It is, instead, the idiocy of those who are charged with judging the Hawkeyes. I speak, of course, of the pollsters and pundits—the tastemakers who with a few minutes of airtime or a few clicks of the keyboard and either turn college football teams into champions or also-rans. Well, here’s the bad news for Iowa fans: The pundits have spoken. And they’re not going to let your Hawkeyes become champions. There are dozens of these Biased And-Or Intellectually Incurious So-Called Experts out there, but I’ll stick with just two—and (surprise!) they just happen to both work for ESPN. We’ll start with Pretty Boy And Kirk Herbstreit Wannabe Jesse Palmer, who has launched a personal vendetta to keep Iowa out of the Mythical National Championship game. Offering up his BCS “analysis” in the wake of the most recent BCS rankings (in which Iowa jumped to No. 4) Palmer whined like A Slightly Dull And/Or Petulant Child about the fact that Iowa was ranked No. 1 by the computers (you know how biased those computers can be) and was therefore ranked ahead of such schools as Boise State, Cincinnati and USC. Among Palmer’s (vapid) arguments? That Iowa doesn’t deserve to be ranked in the Top 5 because they needed a last-second touchdown pass to beat a 4-4 Michigan State team. This is a really great argument if you’re a dumb person, because as we all know, Palmer’s team of choice (USC) lost to a 3-5 Washington team. Go away, Jesse. Second up on our list of Angry Anti-Iowans is ESPN.com Writer And Noted Big Ten Hater Pat Forde. Forde, to his credit, tries to at least throw backhanded compliments at the Hawkeyes. So I’ll give him that much. But he is also blinded by his seething hatred for the Big Ten, which has been on display for three years now. In his Forde-Yard Dash column this week, Forde allegedly made the "case" for each of the nation’s undefeated teams (and USC; why they were included, I have no idea), then revealed how he currently has them ranked. Now, mind you, folks, Forde reported in his column the single most pertinent piece of information about the Hawkeyes: Their opponents’ combined record is 38-22. That makes the Hawkeyes’ schedule far and away the toughest played by any other team in the Top 10. And yet, even after pointing this out—even after looking at the facts that prove that Iowa has done more than any other undefeated team out there!—Forde said that he has Iowa ranked ... No. 8! Yes, No. 8!!! Behind freaking USC. Behind TCU. Behind Boise State. With each passing week, folks, I am inching closer and closer to supporting a playoff. These people drive me nuts.

Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point

• Talked to my Dad, Patrick J. Hyland Sr., on Thursday evening. Asked him if he saw Cliff Lee mow down the Yanks on Wednesday (see below). He said he hadn't, and then explained why: "I hardly watch any pro sports any more. I watch college football. I watch the four majors in golf. And I watch Talladega." Folks, that is a true American sportsman.

• As you folks know, I don’t believe in The SEC hype. But I do believe in LSU’s Tiger Stadium. And you will, too, after listening/watching this clip of Billy Cannon’s famous 1959 punt return for touchdown against Ole Miss. I mean, listen to that crowd, folks. That, my friends, is a roar. That is American sport at its best. That is something the SEC can rightfully brag about. [Editor’s Note: Tip ‘o the hat to Ivan Maisel and Beano Cook for mentioning this play/call on their podcast this week; yet another reason for you to listen, folks].

• Speaking of college football at its best. Check out this celebration from Iowa State’s 9-7 win over Nebraska last week (if you're impatient, you can skip ahead to the 45-second mark). An NFL team will never care this much about a win. Never.

• Penn State quarterback Daryll Clark has 17 touchdown passes on the season and just over 1,800 passing yards. His yardage total puts him about 200 yards short of Notre Dame’s Jimmy Clausen and his touchdown total ranks below just two other passers in the entire country. He has more touchdown passes than Colt McCoy. And The Chosen One. And Clausen. And Matt Barkley. And Terrelle Pryor (Big Ten Preseason Offensive Player of the Year!). Which begs the question: Why isn’t Clark being mentioned as a Suzuki Heisman Candidate? Answer: People at ESPN don’t watch the Big Ten anymore. They fear The Kingdom Of Ro*Tel.

• And for the record, no, my Suzuki Heisman vote would not go to Clark. It would either go to Alabama's Mark Ingram or Fresno State’s Ryan Mathews. Unlike The Chosen One, these guys are actually playing well.

• Here's Recent TCFA Guest Prognosticator Dan Hughes, noted Ohio State fan, on Terrelle Pryor: "Bottom line, Pryor is a horrible quarterback and he takes a step backwards every game. As a quarterback I think he is the second coming of Stanley Jackson and we don’t have the second coming of Joe Germaine to clean up the mess in the second half. ... In his second year I don’t expect him to be Suzuki Heisman candidate but I do expect him to be improving."

• Teams Your Editor enjoys this season: Cincinnati, Iowa, Georgia Tech, Houston, Pitt, Temple. And My Beloved Penn State Nittany Lions, of course.

• Teams Your Editor does not enjoy this season: USC, Florida, Rutgers, Ole Miss, LSU, Illinois, UCLA.

• Freshman of the year? Slam dunk: Dion Lewis, Pitt.

• Most overrated player of the year? Slam Dunk: The Chosen One. And I’m as guilty as anyone on that particular issue.

• Greatest moment of the season so far? Ricky Stanzi to Marvin McNutt. They are calling it “The Michigan Miracle,” folks.

• Saddest story of the year (besides the whole thing at UConn, which is beyond sad; it is tragic): The fall of Bob Griese. Good old “Greese” used to be paired up with Keith Jackson, The Greatest Announcer Ever. Then he was paired up with Brad Nessler, who I can’t even find on Saturdays anymore. Now? Well, now he’s paired up with some joker and Chris “I Love Ohio State As Much As ESPN Loves The SEC But Won’t Admit It” Spielman, calling meaningless second-tier games. It’s a travesty. And, no, I'm not getting into the whole Juan Pablo Montoya/taco mess.

• Last week in this space I told you of the wonders Of Cliff Lee, Former Cleveland Indian Now Playing In Philadelphia Because The East Coast Has Every Advantage Over The Great Lakes Region In Everything. I told you that Lee was the best pitcher in baseball. Maybe you scoffed. Well, did you happen to see what ole’ Cliff did in Game 1 of the World Freaking Series? Complete-game six-hitter, 10 strikeouts, no walks. He struck out Mark “I Am A Traitor To My Hometown” Texiera twice. He struck out Alex “Insert Your Own Nickname Here” Rodriguez three times. It was the most dominant pitching performance I can recall since Cliff Lee played for … the Indians.

• Speaking of the Indians: Manny Acta? Really, Manny Acta?

• TCFA Song of the Week: "The Shock of the Lightning" by Oasis. It's like the 1990s all over again. Penn State is winning a ton of games and Oasis is actually making good music. Yeah Nits. Yeah British guys.