Thoughts From the Valley

The Hangover

How I am feeling: Deflated. Penn State lost to Ohio State on Saturday, 24-7, thereby killing all of my hopes and dreams. Simple as this, folks: Ohio State took Penn State to the woodshed, as My Beloved Penn State Nittany Lions were exposed as a Capital One-bowl-at-best kind of team. And as if that weren't bad enough, the college football season is almost over. Blah.

What I am drinking: My own tears.

What I am listening to: Jamie Cullum, Twentysomething. This morning I took a cleansing post-Ohio State-loss bike ride through The Beautiful Wissahickon Valley--up to the Militia Hill hawk-watching tower (no hawks this morning), back along the Wissahickon Crrek, and then through My Old Neighborhood, where I saw The Former TCFA Headquarters and grew extremely nostalgic. So now I am listening to the album I listened to the day we moved in there, way back in The Good Old Days. It was a simpler time, folks. Circa 2005, to be exact. 2005 was good. We beat Ohio State that year. This year, we got our asses handed to us.

My thoughts on the weekend: There are some in the Nittany Lion who are blaming Saturday's debacle against Ohio State on just one guy.

That guy is quarterback Daryll Clark.

Granted, Clark did not exactly have his best game against the Bucks, folks. In fact, it's safe to say that he played one of his very worst.

But blaming this 24-7 beatdown on Daryll Clark--and just Daryll Clark--is patently absurd.

And here's why: Pretty much the entire Nittany Lion roster played like crap. Many of them played significantly crappier than Clark. Oh, and it wasn't the coaches' finest day, either.

Here's a quick rundown on the carnage and crappiness:

1. Sean Lee and Lavarro played like crap. They each got run over at least once. They made zero game-changing plays.

2. The Penn State secondary played like crap. Terrelle Pryor has looked like garbage all year. Of course, he managed to throw two touchdowns (and run for another) against Our Allegedly Top-Ranked Defense. I saw at least three completely blown coverages. Blown coverages? In Week 10? Against your biggest rival? Weak.

3. Every Penn State wideout not named Graham Zug played like crap. Amish Lightning, it must be said, had a great game (7 catches, 96 yards). But not not even Amish Lightning can do it alone, folks. Derek Moye was invisible. Chaz Powell was invisible. Devon Smith, Curtis Drake, Brett Bracket--all invisible.

4. Andrew Quarless played like crap. Drops, missed blocking assignments. Ugh. It was 2007 all over again.

5. Evan Royster (13 carries, 36 yards) played like crap. The rap on Clark is that he disappears in big games. That's not exactly true, of course. But if you're going to make that claim about Clark, you better make it about Royster, too. Completely ineffective last night, folks. Completely ineffective.

6. Finally, and most importantly, the Penn State offensive line played like crap. Just like they did against Iowa. Ohio State's front four was in our backfield all night. All night.

Clark never had a chance, folks.

And I mean that.

Never. Had. A. Chance.

Three Yards and a Cloud of Dust

Three ...: Here's what I wrote about Terrelle Pryor on Friday: "Now will 'the light come on' this week for Pryor? ... Well, I guess we’ll find out. I mean, I would be surprised if it did; but then again, back in 2007, the Nits made Todd Boeckman look like freaking Davey O'Brien. So I guess anything’s possible." Yep.

Two ...: Here's a question: Who has a warmer read-end right now--Rich "Snake-Oil Salesman Wearing a Wizard's Hat" Rodriguez or The Arrogant One? Well, first let's take a look at the facts. The Snake-Oil Salesman just saw his Wolverines lose 38-36 to Purdue. At home. For the first time in more than 40 years. Michigan is now 5-5 on the year, 1-5 in the Big Ten, and in danger of not going bowling. Again. The Arrogant One, meanwhile, so throughly coached-up his Fighting Irish that they lost to Navy--one week after Navy lost to Temple! Let me point this out, folks Navy was unranked. The Irish were in the Top 20 (ha). And an unranked Middie team had not beaten a ranked Irish team since the freaking 1930s. In other words, yes, both the Wolverines and Irish are a mess. The Irish may rightfully be called the bigger disappointment. That being said, I just don't see the Irish administration making a change anytime soon; for some reason they love them some Arrogance. As for The Snake-Oil Salesman? Well, I'll say this much: He better win one of his last two games (at Wisconsin, at home vs. Ohio State). Or he's in real trouble.

One ...: Hey, here's some much-needed good news: I discovered a new neighborhood bar on Saturday! Kudos for this discovery must go to Greg and Karen McGinley, Friends of TCFA, who saved Your Editor from a night of moping in his basement by inviting Mrs. Your Editor and I out for dinner and drinks. The destination? The just-opened McGurk's Sports Bar, just a five-minute ride from TCFA Headquarters. Beer list was pretty good (Hop Devil on tap!). Food was pretty good. Space was absolutely enormous. TVs galore. Questionable music, but we'll see what can be done about that. Anyway ... discovering a new bar > getting pummeled by Ohio State, folks.

Touchdown ...: Oh, and here's one more bit of good news (for me, at least): Your Editor will be making A Pilgrimage To Happy Valley next weekend for the titanic Penn State-Indiana showdown. Joining Your Editor for two days of ballyhoo will be Two-Time TCFA Champion Mike Unger (and his mysterious new girlfriend), One-Time TCFA Champion Kris "Atlas" McBride, World's Biggest Buffalo Sabres Fan Lisa McBride, Official TCFA Physician Dr. Thomas Slattery and possibly many more. Tailgating. The Autoport. Hop Devil. Vodka Martinis with Jalapeno-Stuffed or Blue-Cheese-Stuffed Olives. The Drive-By Truckers. A Penn State win (hopefully). If you're going to be in the area, folks, let me know. I'll buy you a drink. Or Mike will.