Nov 13, 2009

Well, the college football season is almost over.

Maybe not for your team, exactly.

But for my team, well, yes, the season is damn near over.

To be specific, My Beloved Penn State Nittany Lions have just two regular season games left. Yep. That’s right. Two. Against Indiana this week. At Spartan Stadium next week. And then that’s it. 2009 season, in the books. Sad Your Editor.

I know I say this every year around this time, folks, but I’ll say again, because it’s true: It feels like the season just started.

But now it’s almost over. And with The Season That Was being rudely whittled away by the sands of time (damn those sands of time, folks), Your Editor—and, presumably, most of you folks as well—are left to confront the impending reality of Saturday afternoons without college football. In winter.

During freaking basketball season.

Ugh.

It’s altogether quite depressing, folks. It really is.

But I am of the opinion that there is one surefire method for overcoming depression.

That method? Living it up.

So that’s what Your Editor and several Friends Of TCFA are going to do this weekend.

Yes, folks, Your Editor and said friends will stare down those those chill November northern winds, ignore those ominous early-winter skies and fend off late-college-football-season-induced depression with a trip up to (where else?) Happy Valley, where we will see My Beloved Nittany Lions take on Two-Time TCFA Champion Mike Unger’s Beloved Indiana Hoosiers.

It may not be the biggest game of the week. But it’s a big one for those two teams, at least.

Indiana needs to win out (very doable) in order to become bowl eligible. Penn State needs to win out to (possibly) secure a BCS bowl bid or, at the very least, play on New Year’s Day. Make no mistake, folks, there is something on the line this week up there at Beaver Stadium. Both teams want to win. They really want to win. And I’m figuring they’ll play like it, too.

Which figures to make the weekend all the more fun. Not that it wouldn’t be fun anyway, of course.

Penn State could be playing freaking Eastern Illinois (oh wait, we actually did play them) and I am rather certain that we’d still have a blast, folks, doing all of those things that just naturally come along with a Penn State football weekend.

Things such as …

-Shacking up at The Autoport Hotel on the outskirts of State College, even though there are countless hotels nicer, more convenient and, heck, cheaper. I mean, I like the Autoport, folks. I really do. But it’s not exactly The Drake. Even still, it’s our de facto Happy Valley home base—a former motel (yeah, motel) that has since modernized (but not really) and boasts one of the finest hotel/motel bars you’ll find anywhere. Oh, and there’s this: If you luck out and reserve your room in time, you just might end up in one of those legendary Autoport cottages. They have porches, folks. Porches!

-Staying up way too late Friday night discussing life issues large and small, drinking many beers, and therefore struggling like holy hell to wake up in time for Saturday morning tailgating.

-Waking up in time for Saturday morning tailgating anyway. It’s painful. It’s probably unhealthy. But when in Rome/Happy Valley, folks, do as the Romans/Nits do. It’s gameday. It’s 7 a.m. So stop whining, wake up, get dressed, and get in the car. Tailgating starts at 8 a.m. You’ll thank me later. Like, at 9 a.m.

-Pouring a vodka martini with blue-cheese stuffed olives at 8:15 a.m. And then staring at it for a good long minute or so. Wondering: “Is this really a good idea?”

-Deciding: “Yes, this is a good idea.”

-Tailgating for three-plus hours surrounded by the beauty of the Nittany Valley, the pageantry of Penn State gameday and the odor of cow manure and porta-potties. Listening to country-tinged music and the Penn State Blue Band. Sitting on mildly uncomfortable chairs packed too-tightly underneath a pop-up canopy. Eating poorly cooked sausage products. Talking about tailgates past. About games past. About seasons past.

-Gametime. Blue Band entry. Joe Pa entry. Kickoff. A Nits win (hopefully). Good times.

-Post-game recovery. Showers. Blindly staring at the television. Wondering: “Will I make it back out?”

-Deciding: “Yes, I will make it back out.”

-Sins. Original Sins, to be exact. No Penn State football weekend is complete without them. Now you may be wondering: What, exactly, is an Original Sin? Well, I don’t know, folks. I really don’t know. I just know it’s a big pink drink that they pour at Adam’s Apple in the heart of State College. I have no idea what’s in them. I just know that if you have three, you might as well pack it in for the night. There is no recovering from three Sins, folks. Heck, even two might shut you down for a while. Two-Time Champion Mike learned this two years back, when he boldly dove into his first Sin and, three sips later, was officially drunk. This led to a rather animated discussion between Your Editor, Two-Time Champion Mike, One-Time Champion Kris and Buffalo Sabres Lisa about whether or not Cal Ripken Jr. was overrated. He was, by the way.

-Stops at the Phyrst. At the Brewery. At Zeno’s. Etc. General ballyhoo. Fun. Fun. Fun!

And then … the end.

Saturday night will roll into early Sunday morning, and all of us (except maybe Two-Time Champion Mike) will decide to call it a night, lay our heads down on the pillow (or, depending on how many beds we actually get, the floor), and think to ourselves, “Well, crap, it’s over.”

Then we’ll wake up Sunday morning and that horrible reality that drove us to State College in the first place—the reality that college football season is drawing to an end—will be, well, all the more depressing.

All the more real.

All the more … close.

I guess there’s no hiding from that reality, folks. I mean, it’s there. And it's coming. No matter what.

No, we can’t hide from it.

But we can run from it.

And this weekend, folks, well, run we will.

Joyously.

Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed

• Brent Musberger has a ranch in Idaho. And that is officially all I know about Idaho. But after this weekend, Your Editor figures he’ll know a lot more about Idaho, because I—like many other Perceptive College Football Fans out there—will on Saturday be tuning in for The Biggest Event In The History of Idaho Except For The Time Brent Musberger Moved There: It’s Boise State vs. Idaho, on the blue turf, in the latest incarnation of The Battle For The Brent Musberger Trophy. And it actually figures to be a good one. Because here’s a news flash, folks: Idaho is pretty good. After decades of mediocrity (or worse) the Vandals (awesome team name, folks) are actually building something out there in Moscow (awesome college town name, folks) under the leadership of former Washington State assistant Robb Akey. The team is 7-3 this season, 4-2 in the WAC (that’s their best start since 1994), and Vandal Nation now believes they can make a ‘Hey, We’re For Real!' Statement with a win over Boise, that insufferably pretentious school across the state. Boise is the Notre Dame of Idaho. Make no mistake, folks, there is some really bad blood here. The Vandals hate the Broncos. Hate them! They especially hate playing second fiddle to them. How much do they hate it? Well, check out this story from the Associated Press wire on Wednesday evening, which tells you how much they hate it: “MOSCOW, Idaho —University of Idaho Athletic Director Rob Spear says he declined to board a Horizon Air flight after learning the airplane was painted in Boise State's blue and orange colors … Spear says he'll board the plane after Horizon Air paints an airplane for the Vandals.” God I love college football, folks.

• As I have stated repeatedly over the years, folks, no, I do no support college football playoff. My reasons are multitudinous. For instance, I believe a playoff would destroy the regular season. I believe a playoff would make the month of November boring. I believe a playoff would ruin the bowls. I believe a playoff would lead some coaches to (gasp) “rest their starters,” NFL-(snore) style, in order to prepare for the “second season” (snore). I believe a playoff would be logically impossible. Finally, I believe a playoff would be pointless because, no matter what anyone says, a playoff would not give us a champion who is “the best team in the country.” It would, instead, give us a champion who was “the best team during the playoffs.” And, yes, there is a difference. That being said, I find a playoff mildly attractive for just one reason: It would, theoretically, save us from The Moronic Behavior of The Pollsters, who have during this 2009 season been more moronic than I can ever recall. And the latest example of their utter lack of comprehension may well be the most egregious: In both the Associated Press Top 25 and the USA Today Top 25 this week, the pollsters have ranked USC ahead of Oregon. Yes, they have USC ranked ahead of Oregon! Despite the fact that Oregon ran up more than 600 total yards against the Trojans and beat them just two weeks ago by freaking 27 points. Twenty-seven! Twenty-seven! There’s more, though, folks: While both of Oregon’s losses are actually quite respectable (they lost at undefeated Boise State, and at No. 25 Stanford), USC lost at 3-6 Washington (a team Oregon beat 43-19, by the way) and, oh yeah, at freaking Oregon by 27 points. ARGH!!!! If you are a right-thinking individual how can you possibly—possibly—rank USC ahead of Oregon? You can’t. Can you? Can you???

Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point

• The University of Idaho plays in a strange building/stadium/monstrosity called The Kibbie Dome. It looks like the unholy spawn of a high-school gymnasium and a Goodyear blimp hangar. It only seats 17,000 people. But apparently it gets pretty loud in there. By the way, the four largest crowds in Kibbie Dome history came when the Vandals played Boise State.

• Are you curious what life is like Moscow, Idaho, folks? Well, I am, too. That’s why TCFA Travel Correspondent Longhorn Chris Shelton will be headed up there this weekend. Right, Chris? Yep, I thought so. When Chris reports back Monday, he’ll offer a full report on Moscow and answer The Two Salient Questions About All Cities: 1. Are there tall buildings there? 2. Is there water?

• Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz is usually a pretty even-keeled kind of guy. Which makes him similar to Two-Time TCFA Mike Unger in that regard (and, I would presume, only in that regard). And that’s why I found Ferentz’s testy response to on reporter’s Seemingly Innocuous Question this week so interesting. The poor reporter simply asked Ferentz whether or not Iowa quarterback James Vanderberg was comfortable operating out of the shotgun. Ferentz’s response: "I don't know. I don't care." Yeah!

• The Arrogant One will not be fired after this season, no matter what happens down the stretch. But he might retire. The guy has clearly had it, folks. And who can blame him? Those Notre Dame folks are brutal.

• Oh, speaking of Coaches Who Are Allegedly On The (Cliché On The Way) Hot Seat: A bloated radio personality based out of New York City (snore) by the name of Mike Francesa (snore) this week claimed a Michigan “source” has told him that The Snake-Oil Salesman Wearing a Wizard’s Hat will amicably agree to part ways with Michigan after this season. According to Francesa, RichRod will take a new job (where?) and Michigan will hire Stanford’s Jim Harbaugh. But here’s the thing, folks: Mike Francesa is a New Yorker who doesn’t know jack about college football. So this entire story is garbage.

• Oh, speaking of radio hosts: Let us now turn to Paul Finebaum. He’s based in Alabama, so unlike Francesa, he actually knows what he’s talking about. And this week, Finebaum laid a beat-down on his beloved SEC, blasting the conference for its horrific officiating and, maybe more importantly, its horrific handling of that horrific officiating. Wrote the self-proclaimed “F-Bomb”: “Let's face it, the SEC officiating stinks. Weeks ago, I thought these officials were good men making honest mistakes. It can happen with the world watching your every move now that every SEC game is on some broadcast platform. I'm not so sure anymore. While I don't question the refs' honesty or integrity, it now looks like they are simply incompetent and worse. … And what irritates fans even more than ineptitude is the bully pulpit from which the conference hangs its white hat. The league's message: We occasionally make a mistake and will tell you if we think you need to know. Otherwise, shut up and talk only when spoken to.” Ouch.

• The Georgia Bulldogs commit 9.44 penalties per game. That means the ‘Dawgs are tied for last in the nation (with Texas Tech) in penalties against. And apparently, Mark “I Kind Of Wish Maybe I Could Get A Job Offer Elsewhere” Richt is tired of it. Because this week, he pledged to bench any player who commits a penalty on Saturday against Auburn. My initial impression of this? A really stupid idea.

• Something you may not know: If Arizona wins its last four games of the season (at Cal, vs. Oregon, at Arizona State, and at USC) they go to the Rose Bowl. And they might do it. They just might do it.

• Song of the Week. Willie Nelson, “I Never Cared For You.” From the stunningly awesome album, Teatro, which was The Official TCFA Album of 1999. LaVar (no last name necessary) and Willie. It was quite a combination, folks.