Aug 25, 2010

I'll say this much, folks: I'm not looking forward to the loss to Temple.

Yes, it’s true. As we all gird up and prepare ourselves—mentally, physically, socially (clearing calendars, etc.)—for Yet Another Glorious Season of College Football, Your Editor cannot help but ponder the enormity of the almost certain disaster to come.

That disaster? This: That Penn State—my dear alma mater, seventh-winningest program in college football history, best bowl team ever, home to the second-largest stadium in the nation and greatest coach American sports has ever seen—is going to lose, this season, to Temple. Which will mark the Nits’ first loss to the Owls (coached by a former Nit, by the way) since ... 1941.

1941!

It’s going to really, really suck.

[Anxious tear running down cheek]

Now, folks, I am not quite certain why I have decided to open this particular season of college football, and this particular season of TCFA, on such a negative note. I am not quite certain why I have decided to use this space and this issue—a space and issue which I have traditionally reserved for breathless exaltations about the beauties and wonders of The Greatest Sport The World Has Ever Seen—to lament the disasters to come. I am not quite certain why I find myself kinda/sorta glum and/or morose on the cusp of college football 2010.

Oh wait,

I know exactly why I’m kinda/sorta glum and/or morose on the cusp of college football 2010.

I’m kinda/sorta glum/morose because I head into this season fully expecting that Penn State—the program/university/team that sold me for life on God’s Greatest Gift to Sports—is not going to be that good. That Penn State is going to lose by four touchdowns to Alabama in Week 2 down in Tuscaloosa. That Penn State will lose at Ohio State and lose at Iowa. That Penn State will battle just to make it to the Outback Bowl (hopefully against Georgia; longtime readers know of what I speak). That Penn State’s offense will sputter like no Penn State offense has sputtered since the 2004 offense—the unit that essentially sucked all life/happiness/peace out of Happy Valley and very nearly drove Your Editor to the brink of clinical insanity.

That Penn State is going to lose … to ... Temple.

Mark it down.

You heard it here first.

Temple 24, Penn State 21.

***

But hey, don’t cry for me, folks.

I’ve had it pretty good. In fact, I’ve had it pretty good for quite some time. So now, the time has come to suffer—and deal with it.

And that, my friends, in the point.

For the past two seasons, Your Editor and all of his fellow Forces Of Good in the Nittany Nation have enjoyed lofty preseason rankings. High expectations. Huge wins. A conference title. A Rose Bowl appearance. A ridiculously prolific offense. A win over a team from The Conference Where People Run Faster According To People In That Conference. Twenty-two wins in two football calendar years. Back-to-back Top 10 finishes. A whole bunch of good times. Oh, and one win over Ohio State and two wins over Michigan. Which makes Your Editor almost as happy (i.e. just as happy) as those beautiful little moments when Princess Leah giggles at one of Your Editor’s jokes.

In short, yeah, Your Editor has had it better than roughly 95 percent of all of the college football fans in America for roughly the past 740 days. It’s been a God-damned good two years. And though there are some less-than-intelligent Penn State fans out there who have found reason to complain about these results, anyone with half of a brain or more than three years’ experience watching The Greatest Game The World Has Ever Seen knows full well that 11-win seasons don’t come along every year.

Not at Penn State.

Not at Florida.

Not at USC. Except when they cheat.

Not at ‘Bama. Except when they cheat.

Not anywhere.

And back-to-back 11-win seasons? Well, those are just flat-out rare.

I mean, think about it: Penn State’s back-to-back 11-win seasons in 2008-2009 were their first back-to-back 11-win seasons since 1985-1986.

In 1985, Penn State played for the national title.

In 1986, they won it.

***

By now, I am quite certain you are either deeply confused as to the point of his column or thoroughly annoyed as to its Penn State-centric content. And, hey, if either is true for you, well, I’m sorry. Have a drink and chill out.

I'm getting to my point.

And here it is.

Given that I have virtually no expectations for the season to come, given that I fully expect My Beloved Nittany Lions to fall back into 9-3/8-4 mode (please don’t mention the possibility of 7-5 or worse; our coach, after all, does not have the initials “R.R.”), and given that I am about to experience 2010 college football the way that most college football fans experienced 2009 college football, I now understand that I am going to have to, as they say in the world of business, “manage expectations” for the season to come.

I realize, in other words, that I am going to have to simply let go of the idea that I will only enjoy college football 2010 if “my team” wins a bunch of games.

I am going to have to recalibrate the terms of my enjoyment to their pre-2008 levels.

I am going to have to prepare myself, via meditation or Victory Hop Devil or spirits many times more potent (Green Chartreuse), to once again enjoy college football season on its own terms.

I am going to have to love Saturday for the simple joys of Saturday—the crisp fall air, the manure-ous odors of Happy Valley, the ice-cold Hop Devil that lives in My Penn State Room Fridge, ESPN College GameDay, Gerry Dinardo, grilling for the sake of grilling, 12 hours of college football, texting like a mad man, etc.

I am going to have to learn to love watching Penn State football just for the sake of watching Penn State football.

And as for the “my team winning” stuff? Well, I have to just let it go.

Let. It. Go.

And yeah, maybe that’s a reference to “Lost.” Sorry about that, folks. But that was one damn fine television show. Long live Sawyer.

***

Last season, the Eastern Michigan Eagles averaged just under 6,000 fans per game. Which is, of course, Utterly Embarrassing And Awful.

But also Completely Understandable.

And here's why: The Eagles finished in 6^th place in the MAC West. Their record was 0-8 in the conference, 0-12 overall. They were outscored on the season by the thoroughly incomprehensible margin of 459 to 197.

So let’s face it: Those Eagles fans didn’t exactly have much to cheer about. Correction: They didn’t have ANYTHING to cheer about. Every game must have been abject misery.

It is true, then, that those who stayed away could hardly be blamed. And I don’t blame them.

But I don’t want to talk about those fans that stayed away. They don’t particularly interest me.

The fans who do interest me are the ones who actually showed up—those not-quite 6,000 die-hards who filed into Rynearson Stadium each and every week and supported their Eagles, cheered their Eagles, believed in their Eagles and—most important—enjoyed watching their Eagles, no matter how awful the results. These Eagles fans, folks? They are truly remarkable people. Special people.

Truth be told, I don’t know any of those not-quite 6,000 fans. But I wish I did.

Because I am quite certain that at least some of those not-quite 6,000 fans have attained the most prized level of consciousness there is to attain in college football fandom.

That consciousness? This: A Pure Enjoyment of God’s Gift to Sports That is Completely Unreliant On Results.

Those not-quite 6,000 Eagles fans love the game for the game itself. They love Saturday for Saturday. They love the early morning buzz of a well-executed tailgate, and the accompanying buzz of well-made Martini With Jalapeno And/Or Blue-Cheese Stuffed Olives. They love the unsurpassed sight of beautiful green field set against a clear blue sky. They love their fight song—and that of their opponent.

They love the Saturday routine—wake up, drink up, GameDay, noon game, 3:30 game, dinner, post-dinner drinks, 7 p.m. game, 8 p.m. game, post-post-dinner drinks, 10 p.m. game, weird random Hawaii midnight game, GameDay final, bed, dreams of college football, dreams of next Saturday.

They love college football for the simple reason that college football season is here for only four months of the year, about 14 Saturdays in all, which is never quite enough, but all we get anyway.

They love college football so deeply that they show up each and every week, along with not-quite 6,000 of their possibly/maybe friends, to watch Eastern Michigan get absolutely pummeled.

They can do this only because they have achieved A Pure Enjoyment of God’s Gift to True Sports Fans That is Completely Unreliant On Results.

We all should aspire to be there with them, folks.

Heck, as this column attests, I do aspire to be there with them.

Because at the end of the day, college football isn’t about wins and losses. It really isn't. It’s not about the Rose Bowl. (OK, well, it’s not entirely about the Rose Bowl). It’s not about rankings or the BCS or even the Mythical National Championship.

College football is about Saturdays in Autumn, and all that Saturdays in Autumn bring, and memories and moments and traditions and friends and family, early morning tailgates and long afternoons that stretch into late legendary nights. College football is about being proud of your team—proud in a way that is difficult if not downright impossible to explain to outsiders—win or lose, championship or no championship, glory or no glory.

College football is about putting on that college sweatshirt on Sunday morning, no matter what happened on Saturday afternoon.

Even if what happened was … a loss to Temple.

Hello Again: A Welcome From Your Editor

Welcome back, folks. And may I be the first to say: Happy college football season.

Yes, it's true. After a long, grueling, boring eight months—basketball (snore), baseball (err) and the World Cup (truly awesome!)—college football has finally returned. And, for the 11th straight season, TCFA has returned with it—returned, that is, bigger and better than ever before. Yeah.

As you can tell, Mrs. Your Editor has completely redesigned and (significantly) upgraded our site (it was badly needed). The site is cleaner, leaner and easier to use than ever before. We've got our social media buttons over there on the left (follow us on Twitter, folks!). We've also changd our URL to the easy-to-remember www.intelligentcollegefootball.com (but no worries, the old URL will work, too).

Among the other exciting new changes? Well, how about the new TCFA Podcast? Yes, we've got a podcast now—a podcast in which Your Editor and Two-Time TCFA Champion Mike Unger will wax poetic about all things college football. The first edition of the podcast can be heard by clicking on the "play" button down at the bottom of this week's colum or by clicking here. I apologize in advance, by the way, for the sound-quality issues when Mike hops on the call; we're working on it and expect that we'll have the problem cleared up by next Friday. We'll be posting new podcasts each and every Friday, to coincide with Friday's edition of TCFA and preview the weekend to come. Special thanks to Sound Engineer Bobby Horan for creating the TCFA Podcast intro, which is, in a word, spectacular.

So that's it for the changes (er, well, except for the PayPal button, that is; hint, hint). Otherwise, you can expect more of the same here at TCFA: Long-winded, occassionally eloquent, often-melodramatic writings by Your Editor about the wonders of college football. It's a formula that has served us well in the past.

So we figure we might as well stick with it.

Now ... let us get on with the news, shall we?

Out and about: news and notes you may have missed

• Remember when people thought Ralph Friedgen and Rich Rodriguez were good coaches? Yeah, me either, folks. As we march bravely into college football 2010, it’s fairly safe to say that both The Fridge and The Snake-Oil Salesman Wearing A Wizard’s Hat are living on borrowed time; the Fridge because he’s guided his program directly into a state of sad mediocrity, The Wizard because he’s guided his program directly into a state of sad mediocrity AND because he’s proven to be every bit as attractive to NCAA investigators as the Completely Impossible Notion of SEC Speed is to ESPN personalities. Yes, folks, it’s true: The Fridge stinks, The Wizard stinks, Maryland stinks and Michigan stinks. And after completing frighteningly thorough research into the current rosters of both the Wolverines and Terrapins, I can assure you of the following: Neither team is going to stop stinking anytime soon. Michigan will score some points this year (Denard Robinson is legit) but their defense is eerily reminiscent of … Indiana’s defense (for further discussion of Indiana’s defense, see the podcast). Maryland, meanwhile, is just a terrible team from top to bottom. They would struggle to break .500 in Division I-AA (no, I will not call it the FCS). Official TCFA Prediction for the season to come? Maryland will finish 3-9. Michigan will finish 6-6. Neither the Wizard nor The Fridge will be employed this time next year.

• Think I’m being a bit harsh on the Wolverines? Well, I’m not. And for proof, I offer you the following email, received here at TCFA Headquarters from none other than Longtime TCFA Reader, Longtime TCFA Friend and One-Time TCFA Champion Michigan Bob Seif, biggest Michigan fan in the state of Florida. Wrote Michigan Bob: "Not looking forward to Michigan's season. Just don't like Rich Rod and all the 'baggage.' I'll be surprised if they win more than six games. ... No top-notch running back, kicking is suspect, weak on defense and the rotation of three quarterbacks is too inconsistent for me. We'll see. - Michigan (8-16) Bob."

• OK, back to Penn State for a moment: As you’ve certainly heard by now, My Beloved Nittany Lions find themselves in something of a pickle related to their quarterback situation. Because former Nit quarterback Pat Devlin is incredibly selfish (he transferred to Delaware rather than wait his turn at Penn State; apparently he’s too good for patience), because sophomore Kevin Newsome cannot throw the ball and because sophomore/former walk-on Matt McGloin cannot run the ball, Saint Joe Paterno finds himself facing the prospect of … playing a true freshman quarterback. The true freshman quarterback of whom I speak goes by the name of Robert Bolden. He’s from the state of Michigan. He was recruited by Oregon, among many other spread-offense-kind of-programs, and by all accounts, he is the most complete quarterback on the roster: 6-foot-4, 200 pounds, runs a 4.6, throws a pretty ball, etc. I mean, the kid reportedly has it all, folks. But can this happen? Can Saint Joe Paterno—a man who trusts freshman about as much as Your Editor trusts politicians (that is to say, not at all)—truly be considering throwing Young Robert (his nickname, officially, as of today) into the fray ... with a Week 2 trip to freaking Tuscaloosa looming there in the not-too-distant future? The answer, says the Unfairly Criticized Jay Paterno, is … yes. Said JayPa: “If you can play, you can play.”

Quick Hits: straight and to the point

• Alabama is the preseason No. 1 in both the USA Today Coaches Poll (a truly bogus poll; so bogus that it is often hard to fathom its bogusness) and the Associated Press Poll (a poll that is now officially meaningless, and yet somehow carries meaning). Which is fine, I suppose. I mean, even though they have to replace Their Entire Freaking Defense, I can see why folks would vote the Tide at No. 1 (that reason? Those folks don’t think clearly). Alabama is not the No. 1 team in the country.

• I suppose the question you are all asking yourselves right now is: “Well, if Alabama isn’t the No. 1 team in the nation, who is?” I answer thusly: The No. 1 team in the nation is the Boise State Broncos. Chris Petersen’s gang returns 20 starters from a 2009 team that didn’t lose a single game and muscled around a legit Top 5 TCU team in the Fiesta Bowl. They are good. Very, very, very good. Better than Alabama. Better than Texas. Better than Florida. Better than Ohio State. They will beat Virginia Tech in Week 1 by two touchdowns.

• Boise State quarterback Kellen Moore’s stat-line for 2009: 3,536 yards, 39 touchdowns, 3 interceptions. Give me Moore over Terrelle Pryor, Greg McElroy and Tyrod Taylor every day of the week, folks. Every day of the week. Even Tuesday!

• I find it humorous and perplexing that people continue to overlook Georgia Tech. Yeah, I know Virginia Tech returns a ton of starpower on offense. Yeah, I know the Hokies are consistently solid on defense (last time that Bud Foster had a defense give up more than 20 points per game? The 2003 season). But the Hokies do need to replace seven starters on that side of the ball, and that's why I don't see the Hokies (as everyone else sees the Hokies) as the obvious favorites to win the ACC. Also, it should be noted that the Yellow Jackets run the Triple Option. Which means they should be the favorite in every game they play. Triple Option, folks!

• The Greatest Football Program in College Football History, the Mount Union Purple Raiders, were earlier this month picked as the No. 1 team in college football’s Division III. Shocking but not exactly shocking at all, since the Purple Raiders have dominated D-3 like no team/person has dominted their sport since Dan Gable dominated wrestling back in his Iowa State days. What's the secret to Mount Union coach Larry Kehres’ success? Well, here's a guess: Depth. When the Raiders opened camp earlier this summer, they had 200 players show up. Including 10 starters, 33 letter-winners and … 110 freshman. Yes, 110!

• Larry Kehres’ record over the past 10 seasons: 139-5. Six national championships. Like I said, the man is the football equivalent of Gable.

• Quote of the Week time. Here's embattled quarterback Tate Forcier, sharing his feelings about Michigan, Ann Arbor and life among The Big Blue Faithful: "I'm not going anywhere. I love it here." OK. For the record, Tate Forcier will be San Diego State’s backup quarterback by 2012.

• Something for you ponder/chuckle about until next week, folks: In their ongoing effort to make the Indiana football program not awful, officials in Bloomington recently upgraded the program’s weight room. It is now the largest in the country, and this is crucial, says TCFA Podcast Co-Host Mike Unger, because "it's important to have the world’s largest something." Indiana also upgraded their stadium scoreboard, which is now the eighth-largest in the country. They didn't stop there, though. In their latest marketing move, they have "rebranded" the IU “student section," and are now referring to it as “The Quarry.” Inspired. Oh, but hold on, folks. Because there is even more. When (if) the Hoosiers score a touchdown in the months and years to come, the World’s Eight-Largest Scoreboard will show a video of—wait for it—Fred Flintsone. Yes, Fred Flintstone! Specifically, Fred Flintstone working in—where else?—a quarry. And then a huge pretend crane located somewhere in the stadium will hoist a huge pretend piece of limestone high into the Indiana sky. You have no idea how long it took me to type this paragraph, folks. The tears almost shorted out my computer.

• I should warn you, folks, that in the wake of the awesomeness that was the World Cup, I have taken on a potentially unhealthy love for the sport of soccer. I have gone so far as to adopt a club from the Barclays Premier League. That team is the Aston Villa Football Club. They have awesome uniforms, a glorious history, a gem of a stadium and, most importantly, they aren't in that Red Sox/Yankees group of English soccer clubs that is comprised of Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, etc. Whether you like it or not, folks, you are going to have to read about Aston Villa this season. Fair warning.

• Song of the Week: "Detlef Schrempf," by Band of Horses. Beautiful.

• Check out TCFA's first podcast featuring former TCFA champion Mike Unger.